Nostalgia and Friendships

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Taken in Niagara Falls, NY 2008

Throughout our lives we encounter a vast number of people, and of course there are those who touch us in a way that enriches us more than others. We call them friends; a lot of the time, through brief encounters, we meet others known as acquaintances who can propel us in directions we wish to go. However, throughout this blog, I want to talk about the different levels of intimacy we can experience during the different phases of life. Now, I’m not talking about “sexual” intimacy, rather, the quality of being warm, comfortable and familiar with another person, whether it be with someone of the same sex or the opposite gender.

The most memorable and nostalgic time, for about 87% of people from the western/modern culture, would be between the ages of six and nineteen. I come up with my own percentage because there are plenty of people out there who haven’t grown up the same way; they could have kept more to themselves, been depressed, bullied, abused, or from a completely different culture and so on. But even they are likely to have had one or two friends with a deep connection. However, the friendships we experienced in our youth were much closer and richer, so much so that if you ever hear a particular song, smell a distinctive fragrance or come across a certain food, it triggers a memory that can fill you with nostalgia and a sense of happiness as you reminisce about your younger years.

From about age five to ten, those friendships could have been apart of the building block of the person who you are today. Many of you still know those people very well, the ones you went to daycare or preschool with; that friend that you colored with, the one that stood up for you in the playground, or even the one that felt bad for hurting your feelings. As a young child it’s so much easier to make friends, even just remembering it now friendships seemed to just have started, like a dream; for the people with a great memory you might remember exactly how it started, making the memory that much more sweeter.

For me, from the age of six until about ten, I had a friend named Carl. He and I went to the same day care and first grade. We were the kind of friends that stuck by each other when playing, listening to the teacher tell a story and so on. I can barely remember his face now, but I do remember the feeling of comfort and loyalty I got when I was with him. I lost contact with him before going off to second grade, and until this day I haven’t heard or spoken him.

From ages twelve to fifteen, you have those friends who are there with you when puberty starts and noticing the opposite sex begins. You start to see groups of boy hanging around together and girls too, whispering in each others’ ears, while the boys pull on the girls’ hair. It can’t help but bring a little smile to your face as you remember the silly moments in life that could have left you feeling utterly embarrassed or completely hopeless at yourself.

There was a girl named Tammy I used to love. I remember during recess I’d act like I was the scarecrow from the wizard of oz in order to impress her and the group of girls she was with. I also knew Tammy from daycare. I vividly recall a time where she let me place my head on her lap to sleep, I think I might have been feeling sad that day. I’m not fully sure how it happened but it was very tender moment. At the same time, I had a very close friendship with a kid named Warren. He and I would ride our bikes in different areas of the Bronx, venturing to places that we’d never been to. It was risky because my mother didn’t allow me to go further than a block from where I lived. We had to be quick in our exploration. We also had a lot of sleepovers and tons of pizza. Our friendship ended shortly before going to junior high school, and I haven’t spoken to him since — nor to Tammy.

Things become very interesting from age sixteen to nineteen/twenty. At that point in your life, you can have friends that can get you into some deep trouble, and or, have friends that are super supportive throughout this period in life — the critical points of reaching maturity. It’s almost like the true bond for both genders. Girls become women, boy become men; deepening into the masculine and feminine parts of ourselves, and, at the same time, experimenting with the other. The first real kiss, SEX, first and second base; the root of our romantic relationships with the opposite sex are formed, however embarrassing that is. For many teenage boys, this involved learning about women’s bodies; for women, encounters with an older guy. An experience filled with moments that were wrong but gushing with sensuality. But those friends were there, and much of us still know those friends until this day.

The longest friend that I have had is from junior high school and is named Brandon — the one on the left in the top photo. It’s like a dream, not knowing how it started, we’ve been so very close over the years. In those days we were known as Game Heads. At lunchtime at our school, we were allowed to go outside, and so what we would do is run out of the building and head to a small comic bookshop called Lasers. Those were the most amazing times in my life, Brandon and I were VERY good at kickin’ butt, and our favorite arcade game was Marvel VS Street fighter. We were so close that one of our friends asked Brandon if we were either gay or cousins. Now, in those time in a New York City school, you had to watch VERY carefully what you said to people, because they WOULD gossip about it and, being teenagers in those days, they NEVER let it go (probably true for all generations). Brandon, naturally, chose the option of us being cousins. He took me to the side and told me very sternly that I had to back him up, because back then I was free loving spirit and pretty much didn’t think about things like that. Brandon and I also explored girls as well, sometimes at similar moments (not like in the same room or anything, get your mind out the gutter). We’ve watched and supported each other through the various relationships we had with different girls throughout our life. I’ve watched Brandon have children while witnessing them growing up. Even occasionally, we’d scream out the stuff we did when we were younger in the streets of NYC. And until this day, we’re still very close — we’re cousins after all. I even have a few high school friends until today: Eddy, Megan, and Jose. I love them all very much.

While writing this post I can feel an intense amount of nostalgia and happiness reliving the childhood memories and friendships I’ve had and still have. I miss the moments I spent speaking on the phone for hours, the sleep overs, playing online video games while talking on the phone, and experiencing all kinds of different situations that have lead to a strong bond and an an amazing ability to collaborate when problem solving (with Brandon). And I’m currently missing the times I used to watch Game Of Thrones with my friends Eddy, Rohan and Jose.

These friendships are so much apart of our lives and it’s a real shame that friendship like these seem to be unable to continue developing the way they used to because of “life.” Growing up and taking responsibility for paying bills, making a career, growing our own children and developing romantic relationships to start the whole process again for the next generation. I really miss the ease of which a friendship can flourish at a young age; not worrying about anything, focusing on having fun, and experiencing genuine laughter. Of course, you can have those at any age, but it’s not nearly as profound and distinct as in the younger years of our lives.

Your Toes | Ten Chapters of your Life

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Your Toes | Ten Chapters of your Life

Introduction

Toe Reading is based on the theory that your body holographically records the story of your life. This story is expressed in your feet and toes and can be “read” to reveal your history.

Feet very accurately reflect the physical and emotional health and well-being of a person. An over simplification of this technique would be to say that well balanced people have beautiful, evenly shaped and spaced toes. The toes of people who have had more challenging lives will appear “toe-tied”, depicting the lumps and bumps, twists and turns of the personal and emotional lives they have lived up to this point in time. The ever-changing characteristics of the feet, toes and nails provide valuable clues to the inner struggles or inner resolve of their story.

For example, the angle of the toes reveal whether the person is innately shy…

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Trip to the North of England

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Photo taking on the side of the road in the Lake District.

This past easter weekend, my wife Sara, her friend Adelle Flora Princess Spindlove —but we’ll call her Adelle for now— and I, took a road trip up north. Sara and I were headed to Lake District, whilst Adelle to Stratford-Upon-Avon — the little town where Shakespeare was born. We all jumped into a rented car and drove the scenic route towards Adelle’s destination. Along the way, we saw luscious landscapes of green fields and hills. Adelle spotted a huge tree that had a hole at the bottom of it, which to her looks like a man’s mouth.

It’s been getting better and better driving on the left side of the road, although at times I forget and yank the steering wheel back over to the left. Most of my concentration was used to focus on the road itself, not to much on the signs telling me where to go. Luckily, there was plenty of navigation in the car, from my phone, car navigation and Sara. As we arrived in Stratford-Upon-Avon, I still didn’t see any sun shine. I wanted the day to start out nice so I could see the landscape’s true beauty. We bid farewell to Adelle as she went to spend time with her friends, we would see her in a days time, to head back home.

Sara and I started our next bit of driving towards Lancaster, which was a little over two hours from Stratford. My lower back was beginning to ache, but I had enough energy to do the whole distance. I noticed that the weather never changed since leaving Southampton — the infamous dark clouds of England. However, as we approached Lancaster, the sun shined upon us. The warmth of the sun felt reassuring and made me feel like it was glad to see me too.

We stayed in a lovely house just outside of Lancaster, we could see fields of green far out in the distance; it felt spacious and free. Chickens in the backyard with a little lake stream, the air was clean and clear. I slept really well that night, exhausted by all the excitement of travel.

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Sara and I

The next day was an early one, we were ready to see what the Lake District was all about. The woman who owned the house we stayed in, gave us a nice route through the Lake District, which was great since I had no idea what to expect. As we were driving up we could see the most beautiful landscapes, the sun shining on the land, like how I imagined. It reminded me of taking the train trip from London about 16 years ago when I visited a pen-pal; the first time I took the train alone in another country — I originally was visiting my family in London for the first time.

During the Lunar eclipse, Sara and I were in a small restaurant. I could feel the pressure in my ears and soon after Sara started feeling tired and emotional; the increase in energy was certainly felt. As we continued on our journey through the Lake District, scenes unfold of different hills, animals and mountains pass — lakes sparkling in the sunlight. We walked in a little village named Rydal, we walked with some sheep and Sara did a small meditation involving the four elements. As I waited for her, I took many photos of anything that was interesting; as the day was coming to an end, I said a small prayer in thanks for the weather being so great.

The next day, which it was time to head home, I woke up and looked outside the window to see thick fog. A short distance away I could see some cows huddled up together as if they were having a group meeting. As we headed back to Stratford-Upon-Avon to retrieve Adelle, the fog seemed to have disappeared. However, the dark clouds of England had returned and things were bleak again.

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Rocking my Pancho

As we were approaching Stratford the clouds started to dissolve and the sun took claim of the skies, it was that moment I realized why I loved the sun so much: I understood that when the sun shines it creates contrast, you’re able to see distinct shadows on places that the sun didn’t reach. In a metaphorical sense, the sun creates light to see our shadows or subconscious so that was can shine the light of awareness upon them. The dark and cloudy weather keeps things in even lighting and it’s much harder to see the shadows of our being, thus no awareness of what’s keeping us from reaching new heights in life.

We arrived to Adelle successfully and headed back to home. I didn’t want the trip to end, remembering my love for traveling by car. The combination of music and the road in front of me, makes me feel like I’m always going somewhere, staying in motion does something to my being, something I haven’t fully figured out yet.

Winds of Outer Space

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space background from http://wonderfulengineering.com

 Photo take in my living room.

In the middle of the night, I woke up slightly from the strong wind outside my window, howling like a night wolf. Halfway between sleep and awake, I took part in a journey that might have been a dream or may have been real.

The wind had a vast sound to it that made it seem like I wasn’t on earth anymore. I got up from my bed and looked out the blinds and I saw endless amounts of stars. My eyes widened as if I had just been punched in the stomach, the unbelievable beauty of a nebula creeped into view — its pink fluffiness stretching out like an arm as it floated on past me. As I continued to watch, the wind blowed itself harder; the walls of the room crumbled away like bits of a broken chocolate chip cookie. Only the ground of the bedroom, with a huge chuck of earth rock was under me, the wind’s untamed air incasing my body, it felt warm and made me feel secure — no sense of danger in my heart. I watched the nebula go out of sight as galaxies formed around me, feeling the massive distance between us, I did not feel alone, but I questioned why I wasn’t afraid. Whisking past me in an instant were a family of big green and blue aura rocks; they seemed in a hurry, wherever they were going. The wind now felt like it was guiding me somewhere.

For a while, magnificent stretches of jagged light passed over me; many different colours, it felt like the lights were waving to me — happy to see me blowing across space. I caught eye of the sun as it came closer and closer, then I knew where I was going; I thought, “Will I die in the sun?” The ground that was under my feet crumbled away, floating in space, the wind’s presence still with me. As I got to the sun’s lavaic surface, my body plunged in, and, at the same moment, turned into crystal form; I looked at my hands to see clear quartz fingertips. The wind carried me to the depths of the lava ocean, I could feel the multi-layered-infused, dense energy of the sun. The liquid energy, orange and yellow in colour, dissolved into my clear quartz skin. I could see it floating within me, the tension that was in my body left immediately, I was now a part of the sun.

Waking up in my bed, hearing the wind again outside the window, my body felt hot. I pulled open the covers and checked if my wife was still next to me. Yet again, an amazing experience — not sure if it was just a dream or if it was real.

True Stories: From Screenplay to Screen Play

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Photo taken at the back lot of Universal Studios

Disclaimer: This true life event happened in January 2010

It was nearly a year after I left the army. What a relief to leave the grips of an organisation that wanted to control my life — if not the world — and not have a say in it. I left the army with all the benefits and decided to do some schooling. Not knowing what I wanted to study, I went back to NYC and suddenly remembered the school I had had my eye on before I left high school: New York Film Academy. I thought since I would be able to study in the city, and receiving all the benefits from attending, I could save as much money as possible for whatever I next wanted to do. However, when I visited NYFA, they told me that the NYC branch didn’t accept the GI-Bill that was created that year, but the Los Angeles branch did. I was extremely nervous about going to California, but finally decided to go ahead with it. Being in LA, where all the movie magic happens, was a once in a lifetime chance. So, I jumped in my car and drove over to LA where I would meet the roommates I had assembled and start my studies as a filmmaker.

After the first two days of school, I thought it was the most amazing thing. My class mates and I got to play with cameras on the first day, the second we were writing a small screenplay (or script), which we would film in the back lot of Universal Studios — yup, I had definitely made the right decision. The next day in the back lot, I was standing in an old western bar, listening to the coordinator who was explaining the rules and safety regulations. All the different programs studying film making were given three actors to work with, it turned out that I was the first one to start filming my small story, which involved an exchange. It was the very first time directing actors to do a short film, I felt extremely nervous and did my best to be a Director.

The actors that I received were exactly what I needed for my story, one woman and one man, however, I was missing an actor. It took some time for the final actor to come and I thought it was going to mess up my film. The coordinator, herself, came to me and apologised for the wait. She offered me a young actor, who turned out to be excellent at acting as well. I considered myself lucky to meet those actors that day, they listened to everything I told them and adjusted themselves the way I needed. Looking through the lens of the camera and seeing the actors bring my material to life, giving direction, well, the most amazing feeling rushed over me and I could see the instant creation of motion picture in front of me. I remembered all those times in my life when I used to watch bloopers of movies I loved. I used to laugh and wish I could be apart of a creation that many people in the world would see — it still fills my heart today and drives me to make more films. When I finally sat down at the end of that day, I thought about where the nervousness went and how fluid I was in the middle of everything. It was one of the happiest days in my life.

How to REALLY Communicate

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Photo taken at the Tor, Glastonbury, UK

If there is one thing that has room for improvement, its interpersonal communication. There are only a few people out there that are really good at it, and well, the rest have a lot of catching up to do — including me. That does sounds harsh, but lets be honest here, communication wasn’t taught in standard schooling and isn’t practiced enough in a constructive way. The majority of the time, learning how to communicate came from watching our parents and feeling our way blindly through society. The communication I refer to is the common everyday interactions that tend to lack any real substance. How to REALLY communicate, requires a few key elements.

Trust:

In society today, trust is the element that is dangling in the wind — the point of view of the city life style. In small communities, trust is a whole lot stronger because people tend to know everyone anyway. However, trust plays a major role when communicating, it requires a certain level of vulnerability in an individual. Human connection is lacking in our modern day and, as time progresses, this connection will become weaker and weaker, if we let it. Not only is trust among people suffering, trust within ourselves is wavering as well. Learning discernment, and paying attention to how you truly feel are important factors to building trust within the self — this, in turn, will be reflected in our reality when communicating with other people.

Thinking:

Too often we don’t think deeply enough before speaking. A lot of the time there are reactions to what other people say and not enough responding. To react means to take what the another person says personally and immediately reflect back to that person an equally or more hurtful statement. To respond means to hear what the person is saying, understand how the person feels and use empathy. Its also important to be as clear as possible when conveying ideas and feelings with another person, as well as listening carefully.

If someone is in the position of the speaker and is leading a conversation which involves requesting something of another person, it’s best to be as clear as possible in order to not create confusion. In a marriage, a wife may say to her husband, in an irritated tone: “We never talk about anything,” implying she wants to talk about something more in depth. The husband could take this as an attack or criticism. He could also think: “We just talked about what to eat for dinner.” To communicate more effectively, and get what you want, the wife could say: “It was such a beautiful sunny day, how did you feel during work today?” This has the potential to open up a person for connection, more than hearing something that sounds like an antagonistic statement, rather than a clear request.

If the person in the position of the listener is left in a place where he or she feels they have to react rather than respond, its best to pay close attention to what the speaker is saying and choose a response that appropriately fits the situation. For example: A customer may say to a store employee: “You’re an asshole for not letting me use the restroom!” As a response to that customer, the store employee could say: “It seems you’re very frustrated at the moment, since you really need to use the toilet, however, next door has toilets that are open to the public.” The store employee does two things here; first, he or she doesn’t take personally what the customer has said to him/her; and secondly, assists in providing a solution that would fulfill the customer’s need. We all know the need to use the restroom has the potential to prevent us from being calm. In other situations, listening could require additional empathy, refer to my blog about Listening.

Finding the Bravery:

To open up and connect with another person you don’t know demands a lot of courage. A lot of people out there, including myself, are genuinely shy people — undercover introverts. However, if the desire to make connections is there, certain steps need to be taken. The first step is to assure yourself that the other person is NOT going to destroy you. As a person taking initiative in starting a conversation, it can be nerve-wracking, as negative thoughts about how the other person will perceive you seep into your mind. You begin to sweat, stutter, or loose track of what you wanted to say to begin with — take your time. The second step is to be confident in who you are, that means don’t be afraid to talk about yourself, but don’t forget to listen to what the other person has to say about themselves too. Often times, when you start a conversation, you find a common interest and things progress organically — that’s the goal! The third step is to realise that not everyone is going to want to connect with you right away — or at all — and that is perfectly fine. Keep in mind that the people who come into your life are meant to, even if things look horrible.

In short, how to REALLY communicate requires, trust, thinking, empathy and responding. With these tool at your disposal you’ll see yourself much more clearly and thus you’ll see other people a lot more clearly, too. You’ll establish connections that’ll be much more solid and long-lasting — that’s what it’s all about. We’re here to connect with each other and grow, spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

That Love Thing

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Photo taken in Southampton, UK

“Imagine that you have a magical kitchen in your home. In that magical kitchen, you can have any food you want from any place in the world in any quantity. You never worry about what to eat; whatever you wish for, you can have at your table. You are very generous with your food; you give your food unconditionally to others, not because you want something in return from them. Whoever comes to your home, you feed just for the pleasure of sharing your food, and your house is always full of people who come to eat the food from your magical kitchen.

Then one day someone knocks at your door, and it’s a person with a pizza. You open the door, and the person looks at you and says, “Hey, do you see this pizza? I’ll give you this pizza if you let me control your life, if you just do whatever I want you to do. You are never going to starve because I can bring pizza every day. You just have to be good to me.”

Can you imagine your reaction? In your kitchen you can have the same pizza – even better. Yet this person comes to you and offers you food, if you just do whatever he wants you to do. You are going to laugh and say, “No, thank you! I don’t need your food; I have plenty of food. You can come into my house and eat whatever you want, and you don’t have to do anything. Don’t believe I’m going to do whatever you want me to do. No one will manipulate me with food.”

Now imagine exactly the opposite. Several weeks have gone by, and you haven’t eaten. You are starving, and you have no money in your pocket to buy food. The person comes with the pizza and says, “Hey, there’s food here. You can have this food if you just do what I want you to do.” You can smell the food, and you are starving. You decide to accept the food and do whatever that person asks of you. You eat some food, and he says, “If you want more, you can have more, but you have to keep doing what I want you to do.”

You have food today, but tomorrow you may not have food, so you agree to do whatever you can for food. You can become a slave because of food, because you need food, because you don’t have it. Then after a certain time you have doubts. You say, “What am I going to do without my pizza? I cannot live without my pizza. What if my partner decides to give the pizza to someone else – my pizza?”

Now imagine that instead of food, we are talking about love. You have an abundance of love in your heart. You have love not just for yourself, but for the whole world. You love so much that you don’t need anyone’s love. You share your love without condition; you don’t love if. You are a millionaire in love, and someone knocks on your door and says, “Hey, I have love for you here. You can have my love, if you just do whatever I want you to do.”

When you are full of love, what is going to be your reaction? You will laugh and say, “Thank you, but I don’t need your love. I have the same love here in my heart, even bigger and better, and I share my love without condition.”

But what is going to happen if you are starving for love, if you don’t have that love in your heart, and someone comes and says, “You want a little love? You can have my love if you just do what I want you to do.” If you are starving for love, and you taste that love, you are going to do whatever you can for that love. You can even be so needy that you give your whole soul just for a little attention.

Your heart is like that magical kitchen. If you open your heart, you already have all the love you need. There’s no need to go around the world begging for love: “Please, someone love me, to prove that I’m worthy of love.” We have love right here inside us, but we don’t see this love.”

The Mastery of Love — Don Miguel Ruiz

This blog is dedicated to love; and this wonderful story is mighty significant to me.

True Stories: Gwongaga-go

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Photo taken in NYC, 2014

Disclaimer: Another story that took place in NYC a year ago.

It’s always nice meeting my friend Yunji in the city. She certainly makes a great person to just bounce ideas off of and allow you to speak your mind free of judgements — not many of those in the world if you ask me. However, today we were going to meditate together and I was going to do a chant that I dreamt about a few nights before. Yunji was very excited about doing this because she’s very sensitive to energy, and seems to feel a lot of it coming from me, so I thought — what the heck, lets see what happens.

It took us a while to find a spot, since at that time of day on 12th Avenue and the art district there are many people walking around and enjoying the last few weeks of summer. We eventually found a small patch of grass behind some tall bushes, our backs were towards a group of teenagers throwing powder at each other — only in NYC. The sky looked like it wanted to rain off and on as a very dark cloud decided to come over us, it seemed like some unknown force knew we’d be doing this today. We settled in and finally got started.

As I began my chant, “Gwongaga-go,” “Gwongaga-go,” a rhythm started in me, it felt like I was back in my dream. My shoulders swayed and rocked, I could feel the energy going down my spin and flushing across the grass we were sitting on. After a while, I completely blocked out the fact that people were walking around us, helicopter noises in the background and a few rain drops here and there — I was in the zone. Inside me, the energy felt so great I wanted to scream out my chant — but didn’t out of fear. I eventually slowed down and came to a gentle stop. I could feel my body vibrating and it felt so uplifting and filled me with positive energy. I wonder if I had let myself go, how much more energy there would have been.

Afterwards, Yunji gave her thoughts about the experience, and she felt huge amounts of energy from it. She even talked about some of the visions she had received from it that completely related to the dream I had had. The dream was of me being on a Atlantean row boat as a tsunami wave was about to crush us; she gave some details about the ship that triggered more of my memories of the dream; a great time to share with a good friend.

As we were walking towards the train station, Yunji decided she wanted to eat at a restaurant nearby, as she had become extremely hungry after the meditation. I decided to go on home. As I was walking down the stairs into the subway, I was feeling really good about doing my chant in front of someone else. A woman with a baby carriage was single handedly carrying the carriage up the steps. I quickly offer my assistance, and I heard a young boy in the background commenting about my teenage mutant ninja turtles t-shirt. After reaching the top of the steps I faced the young boy. He had the most beautiful, golden hair, and by far, the most exquisite ocean blue eyes. I said a few jokes and everyone laughed, I said my farewell and proceeded down the steps. In the distance I heard, “I love you, BYE!” I quickly turned around and told him “I love you too!” as we exchanged waves. My day was certainly made.

Day 20: Blogging Thus Far

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Photo take in my living room

The days just seem to fly on by, especially when you’re having fun; I’ve certainly felt that way these past nineteen days of writing. Each day I choose my topic, find a place to sit, then watch the magic happen as the ideas are born in my mind; those ideas stream through my hands as they are translated to form words and phrases. In many ways, these are small miracles happening as I’m connecting with my readers in a way the world connects with me. Many of the subjects I’ve written were very scary for me to put out there, such as: Triad Relationships and What a Vibrational Match Means. I wasn’t very sure how those two subjects would be turn out, because of how intricate they are, however, I found the way. Of course it’s been with the help of my wife, who has proofread a lot of my blogs and is teaching me about grammar along the way — although sometimes there are word wars on how I want to say things.

The reason I’ve taken the 30 day blogging challenge is to build up my confidence. I wrote a book last year (2014) and I thought it was a complete failure, due to the grammatical problems. I also felt that anyone who read it, wouldn’t understand what I was trying to say, and the way I was saying it. There are many things that go on in my mind that I wish to share with the world. Many of which come from such a different way of thinking than our minds are used to, it wouldn’t know how to grasp them— a problem many artists face. So, I had lost hope, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to get my message to the world, and a very big message it is. However, my confidence has been rising greatly and I’m ready to face my book again, ready to make additions to it and fix all of the problems, plus, enhance some of the visuals and examples throughout the book.

What I’ve also seen with writing this much is that: I’m not really bad at writing at all. The things I told myself about having bad grammar and punctuation are exactly what were holding me back in the first place. I took it upon myself to read other bloggers on wordpress and I must say, my writing is REALLY good. So, I have to give myself enough credit and be gentle with myself. If there are people out there who think the same way as me about bad grammar and punctuation, take it easy. I’ve been writing a lot in the library and, occasionally, I look through a “writing in english” book that’s given me even more confidence in finding my voice through words. So the power is mine and I will use it to perform my purpose in this world and deliver my messages to all those it is intended for.

Get real world, I’m coming for you!

How to REALLY Find Your Purpose

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Photo taken at Mottisfont, UK

“We’re not here because we’re free; we’re here because we’re not free. There’s no escaping reason, no denying purpose, for as we both know, without purpose we would not exist. It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us; it is purpose that defines us, purpose that binds us. We are here because of you, Mr. Anderson. We’re here to take from you what you tried to take from us. Purpose.”— Smith, The Matrix Reloaded.

Anytime I hear people talk about finding their purpose, I think about what Smith says and I can’t help but agree. Purpose does drive us and guide us, for if we didn’t have purpose, what would be the whole point? At the same time, Smith makes another very interesting point: “We’re not here because we’re free; we’re here because we’re not free.” He’s not saying we’re not free to make choices, but rather not free from our purpose that is deep within our being, waiting to come out.

Purpose can be understood in two ways here: purpose in life, in other words something that will enrich you and the people around you, or: the purpose you’re supposed to do. “Supposed” is a very offsetting word, it could lead you down the path of doing things you really don’t want to. It’s recommended to drop supposed from your vocabulary and see how much it changes your views on things, and how much of a choice you have. There is one thing I know that is very true, and I want you to read this very carefully: You’ve already determined — before you began this life — what your purpose is, you’re only here to remember what that was and to perform it in this world.

People ask the most important question when everything appears to go completely wrong: “What is my purpose?” And, “Why the hell am I here on this planet?” Answers to these questions are never easy, because of the amount of distractions in our lives that we deal with on a daily basis. These days more and more people are starting to realize that they hate their jobs, you see it everywhere, and it’s becoming a more commonly talked topic among friends. If you’re one of those people who can’t wait until Friday or watches the clock closely until it’s 5pm, or the end of your shift, then you’re in this category. It sucks; you want to get out of there, never come back… but… you need the money to pay your bills, buy food and allow you to do the things you choose to do. You need that job, or else, you won’t survive — that’s what the majority of people say to themselves each day to keep them going. At the same time, this is the same thing that keeps you going in the ever lasting circle of tiredness, grumpiness, settling for less, thinking you can’t do more with your life, etc. On top of that, if you don’t do it, you won’t be accepted socially and often times, you’ll feel (or they’ll tell you) that you’re disappointing your family. What are we supposed to do?

To really find your purpose requires compassion, discipline, and motivation — lots and lots of discipline. The first thing you have to realize is that the things you need in your life are very valid. Yes, you need money to have a place to sleep, eat, etc. There isn’t any reason to deny or try to cover up that basic fact, however, your purpose can fulfil those needs, but only if you let them. Let’s step back for a moment; let’s say you have a job you hate already and you just want to know what your purpose is, because by knowing it you’ll feel a little more confident about pursuing your purpose. The amount of time needed to find your purpose can take from ten minutes to ten years — that’s where the discipline comes in, so don’t beat yourself up about the time frame. Breathe, here’s what you need to do:

For a little while, drop the whole idea about needing to survive, the world won’t explode if you spend time thinking about what you really want in life for a little while. Relax, turn off the T.V., ask someone to look after the kids, close your eyes on the train or bus, rid yourself of the distractions and think about what you really like to do. Go as far back as to when you were a small child; what did you love doing? What made you smile the most? What made the time just fly by when you did it? Let the answers come to you, don’t worry about time, relax and allow the answers to reach you — this is where compassion comes in, because you’ll doubt the first thought that’ll come into your mind and then the whole judging process will begin. Instead of judging those thoughts, follow them and see where they take you. Repeat it: What do I love to do? What makes me feel good about myself? If you don’t know then rephrase the question: What would I love to do? What would make me feel good about myself when I do it? For some it’ll just come, take note about how happy or joyful you feel. A few might run into some blocks, but ride those thoughts you think were what you liked until you do. Many others might not come up with anything, if you come up dry, there is a task you’ll need to do for fifteen days — yes, some more discipline here.

For the first week, twice a day, think of something that would give you the highest joy in the very moment. This could be telling a friend a funny joke or doing a small drawing during your lunch break. You can choose when and where to do it, but to get the best effect from it, do it right in the middle of something else — that’s right, be a little crazy and take a chance. Then, write down what you did and keep it handy. The second week, do it three times every day and document it. Once you’ve completed that, go back to asking yourself the questions in the paragraph above.

Motivation is going to be the biggest anchor to the whole process, tied in with some more discipline. Keep in mind your biggest motivation is the job you hate right now, so focus as much as you can on finding your purpose so you can either A. get the hell out of there, or B. feel happier in yourself and make your work environment a pleasant one. Know and believe that your purpose is there, you haven’t gone through you whole life not knowing what you love — that’s impossible. Something, somewhere, gave a hint to what it is and you must play the detective role to find it — be Batman about it. There are plenty of inspirational materials out there, however, that won’t keep you going. You, are going to have to keep you going. Once you’ve accepted that you’re the one in control of your life, you’ve found all the power!

Overall, if you’re already asking yourself these questions, you’re already on the way. If you haven’t realized, your purpose is there waiting for you to discover it and you’ve got to dig for it. Dig for it like you need money so you can quit that job you hate, dig for it like you need air to breathe, dig for it as if someone is holding a gun to your head. Dig, then dig some more. Have compassion for yourself and don’t give up, because otherwise you’re going to end up feeling like crap in a few weeks time when the whole cycle starts again. Don’t go in circles. Don’t give up on you.

Never give up!