Trip to the North of England

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Photo taking on the side of the road in the Lake District.

This past easter weekend, my wife Sara, her friend Adelle Flora Princess Spindlove —but we’ll call her Adelle for now— and I, took a road trip up north. Sara and I were headed to Lake District, whilst Adelle to Stratford-Upon-Avon — the little town where Shakespeare was born. We all jumped into a rented car and drove the scenic route towards Adelle’s destination. Along the way, we saw luscious landscapes of green fields and hills. Adelle spotted a huge tree that had a hole at the bottom of it, which to her looks like a man’s mouth.

It’s been getting better and better driving on the left side of the road, although at times I forget and yank the steering wheel back over to the left. Most of my concentration was used to focus on the road itself, not to much on the signs telling me where to go. Luckily, there was plenty of navigation in the car, from my phone, car navigation and Sara. As we arrived in Stratford-Upon-Avon, I still didn’t see any sun shine. I wanted the day to start out nice so I could see the landscape’s true beauty. We bid farewell to Adelle as she went to spend time with her friends, we would see her in a days time, to head back home.

Sara and I started our next bit of driving towards Lancaster, which was a little over two hours from Stratford. My lower back was beginning to ache, but I had enough energy to do the whole distance. I noticed that the weather never changed since leaving Southampton — the infamous dark clouds of England. However, as we approached Lancaster, the sun shined upon us. The warmth of the sun felt reassuring and made me feel like it was glad to see me too.

We stayed in a lovely house just outside of Lancaster, we could see fields of green far out in the distance; it felt spacious and free. Chickens in the backyard with a little lake stream, the air was clean and clear. I slept really well that night, exhausted by all the excitement of travel.

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Sara and I

The next day was an early one, we were ready to see what the Lake District was all about. The woman who owned the house we stayed in, gave us a nice route through the Lake District, which was great since I had no idea what to expect. As we were driving up we could see the most beautiful landscapes, the sun shining on the land, like how I imagined. It reminded me of taking the train trip from London about 16 years ago when I visited a pen-pal; the first time I took the train alone in another country — I originally was visiting my family in London for the first time.

During the Lunar eclipse, Sara and I were in a small restaurant. I could feel the pressure in my ears and soon after Sara started feeling tired and emotional; the increase in energy was certainly felt. As we continued on our journey through the Lake District, scenes unfold of different hills, animals and mountains pass — lakes sparkling in the sunlight. We walked in a little village named Rydal, we walked with some sheep and Sara did a small meditation involving the four elements. As I waited for her, I took many photos of anything that was interesting; as the day was coming to an end, I said a small prayer in thanks for the weather being so great.

The next day, which it was time to head home, I woke up and looked outside the window to see thick fog. A short distance away I could see some cows huddled up together as if they were having a group meeting. As we headed back to Stratford-Upon-Avon to retrieve Adelle, the fog seemed to have disappeared. However, the dark clouds of England had returned and things were bleak again.

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Rocking my Pancho

As we were approaching Stratford the clouds started to dissolve and the sun took claim of the skies, it was that moment I realized why I loved the sun so much: I understood that when the sun shines it creates contrast, you’re able to see distinct shadows on places that the sun didn’t reach. In a metaphorical sense, the sun creates light to see our shadows or subconscious so that was can shine the light of awareness upon them. The dark and cloudy weather keeps things in even lighting and it’s much harder to see the shadows of our being, thus no awareness of what’s keeping us from reaching new heights in life.

We arrived to Adelle successfully and headed back to home. I didn’t want the trip to end, remembering my love for traveling by car. The combination of music and the road in front of me, makes me feel like I’m always going somewhere, staying in motion does something to my being, something I haven’t fully figured out yet.

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Poetry: Inhale and Exhale

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Photo taken at Stow, UK

In with the new, like a toy, unable to leave this unique and unusual element alone.
The increase in Eros throughout my being gives rise to excitement, like the rush from sugar, sweetness engulfs my soul.
In with the new, the muscles of my face less used, with a smile. The art of life drawn on my blank canvas with all the colors of the rainbow.
Fluid and free, I Inhale the essence of existence to automate my shifting energy through the space of my four walls.

Out with old, the full trash can of decomposing emotions, recycling in its release.
The contraction of my being causing pain of change, the elements I wish to keep are allowed to leave, whether I want it, or not.
The freewill of the universe resides in my bloodstream, flowing down to my feet and up to my heart, the circulation carrying the oxygen of dead cells — on the Exhale.
What no longer is needed withers in the invisible substance that floats around our anatomy. I am safe in knowing I no longer need to keep, what I thought I worked so hard to reach.

Take a deep breath……..Now, let it out, be at peace.

Kambô; From Poison to Medicine: Session 3 (Final)

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Photo take at the session

The weeks leading up to the final session, a number of concepts, ideas, and “ah-ha” moments have come into my reality. From understanding what a vibration match means, I’ve finally seen in full why my wife and I are a match and what our growth together entails. Along with finding the rhythm of my being, knowing what it is I want out of life and pursuing it without all the doubts and conditioning that were interfering with my mind. You know, the ideas our parents pass down to us that turn into introjections, which follows us everywhere we go — even while we sleep. About five weeks went by leading to the final session, which was the weekend after the huge solar eclipse (March 20th). I can’t help but think that the universe knows exactly when to do things, especially in this time of awakening.

My wife and I drove over to Glastonbury really early that morning. We wanted to catch the first session of the day so we could enjoy the rest of the afternoon — to fulfil my hungry wife’s urge to eat. We were the first to arrive and rushed in as we had to use the toilet; it was a new599d22a0f56669e57a87be4c486d2012f912c4b13ad7d057c5c31bb3550614a0 venue for us and we liked it much more than the other one, despite the stiff coldness of the room. We wanted to be the first ones to go, we were much more confident than the last two times and my wife’s hunger was growing bigger each time. When she went up, very quickly, the medicine took its effect and her skin turned as red as a stop signal. The majority of the people in the room were on their first time doing Kambô, so it was good for them to see some veterans step up to the plate. A man who sat next to me, who had done Ayahuasca a few times, looked nervous. I reassured him that it was fine and it wouldn’t last very long. That came from me, who was about to have sixteen dots applied. The more dots you have, the deeper the medicine goes, and probably that much more intense.

As soon as my wife went back to her spot, I was called up next since a lot of work had to be done on me. I went on up, not a worry in the world but with all eyes on me. Everyone knew the amount of dots I was about to get and even the practitioner, jokingly, told me that he wasn’t responsible for what might happen to me. I sat down, on what appeared to be a preschool chair, and rolled up my shirt on my left arm. A woman sat in my view and she kept her eyes on me, she had really cool indian looking pants on that were brown and baggy — earlier, I had noticed her doing some stretches like she does yoga. The practitioner applied the burns while I was still drinking my last pint of water. I felt super relaxed and ready to see what would happen with this final experience. The room was lit with the dark clouds outside, I wished the sun was out so I could really get into the mood; the first dot of medicine was applied. I opened and closed my eyes, the gushing sound of water hitting a bucket, my wife had started purging; at that moment I didn’t realise how quickly she had started. The sounds of my heart beat started to become much more noticeable, the medicine’s effect was in the ON position. I opened my eyes and saw the woman looking at me, I told her, “Don’t be alarmed by what you see, I am totally fine.” Half way through having the rest of the medicine applied, the practitioner asked if he could take photos of the medicine on my arm. I allowed him, a long with a few others in the room. Then, I noticed that I was no longer going to be able to get up. The medicine seemed to have travelled where it needed to go in my body, in a flash. The practitioner came close to my left ear and asked if I could get up — I couldn’t answer. He told me to stay there, 4949669126ddaee5601cd15c41eee392f15efdad6b970e124bf41b93b859b240and he grabbed his drum. Two other helpers came, I could feel one behind me with a rattler and another in front of me wafting palo santo — my eyes closed the whole time. I could feel the whole room looking at me but I wanted them to, I wanted them to see a person who had made the choice to go as deep as he could and be just fine. I swayed left and right in the preschoolers chair, thinking to myself that it was probably a bad idea. I felt the medicine seeping in even deeper, agony was afoot — get this shit out of me, I chanted to myself. I thought about the heaviness that was in me at the last session and I wanted it to come out, so I stayed with it and then; I purged. I cheered myself on, as one would do when they see a hero in a movie or T.V show finally get that left hook on the bad guy. I purged beautifully and I was assisted back to my spot next to my wife.

It didn’t take long before I recovered, much quicker than the last two sessions; I was amazed by how I felt. I pictured myself as a clear being with no murkiness — squeaky clean. I cleared my throat and I felt the urge to “oum,” but I got too shy and kept it in. I laid back and allowed myself to relax, my body felt like it had been through two marathon runs; I wrapped myself up in mine and my wife’s blankets.

It took me about three days to recover from this session, I felt like laying down all the time and when eating I had to do so slowly so I wouldn’t bring it back up. Wherever the Kambô medicine went, it went super deep and a number of emotional things came up, which were triggered and integrated during the recovery time. It’s only today, after writing this I feel like I’m fully in my body.

If after reading these blogs, Session 1 and Session 2, you may get a fearful feeling; that’s your ego trying to protect you. Tell that dude or dudette that it’s completely fine, however, if you want to have a Kambô session, be prepared for your shadows to surface. Have the bravery to take on these shadow and integrate them. Your shadows are what are keeping you from achieving what it is you desire in your life, whether that be from relationships to money. Face these shadows and all that which you want in your life will be in reach because you WILL believe it is. Thank you all for reading these blogs and be safe.

Winds of Outer Space

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space background from http://wonderfulengineering.com

 Photo take in my living room.

In the middle of the night, I woke up slightly from the strong wind outside my window, howling like a night wolf. Halfway between sleep and awake, I took part in a journey that might have been a dream or may have been real.

The wind had a vast sound to it that made it seem like I wasn’t on earth anymore. I got up from my bed and looked out the blinds and I saw endless amounts of stars. My eyes widened as if I had just been punched in the stomach, the unbelievable beauty of a nebula creeped into view — its pink fluffiness stretching out like an arm as it floated on past me. As I continued to watch, the wind blowed itself harder; the walls of the room crumbled away like bits of a broken chocolate chip cookie. Only the ground of the bedroom, with a huge chuck of earth rock was under me, the wind’s untamed air incasing my body, it felt warm and made me feel secure — no sense of danger in my heart. I watched the nebula go out of sight as galaxies formed around me, feeling the massive distance between us, I did not feel alone, but I questioned why I wasn’t afraid. Whisking past me in an instant were a family of big green and blue aura rocks; they seemed in a hurry, wherever they were going. The wind now felt like it was guiding me somewhere.

For a while, magnificent stretches of jagged light passed over me; many different colours, it felt like the lights were waving to me — happy to see me blowing across space. I caught eye of the sun as it came closer and closer, then I knew where I was going; I thought, “Will I die in the sun?” The ground that was under my feet crumbled away, floating in space, the wind’s presence still with me. As I got to the sun’s lavaic surface, my body plunged in, and, at the same moment, turned into crystal form; I looked at my hands to see clear quartz fingertips. The wind carried me to the depths of the lava ocean, I could feel the multi-layered-infused, dense energy of the sun. The liquid energy, orange and yellow in colour, dissolved into my clear quartz skin. I could see it floating within me, the tension that was in my body left immediately, I was now a part of the sun.

Waking up in my bed, hearing the wind again outside the window, my body felt hot. I pulled open the covers and checked if my wife was still next to me. Yet again, an amazing experience — not sure if it was just a dream or if it was real.

True Stories: From Screenplay to Screen Play

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Photo taken at the back lot of Universal Studios

Disclaimer: This true life event happened in January 2010

It was nearly a year after I left the army. What a relief to leave the grips of an organisation that wanted to control my life — if not the world — and not have a say in it. I left the army with all the benefits and decided to do some schooling. Not knowing what I wanted to study, I went back to NYC and suddenly remembered the school I had had my eye on before I left high school: New York Film Academy. I thought since I would be able to study in the city, and receiving all the benefits from attending, I could save as much money as possible for whatever I next wanted to do. However, when I visited NYFA, they told me that the NYC branch didn’t accept the GI-Bill that was created that year, but the Los Angeles branch did. I was extremely nervous about going to California, but finally decided to go ahead with it. Being in LA, where all the movie magic happens, was a once in a lifetime chance. So, I jumped in my car and drove over to LA where I would meet the roommates I had assembled and start my studies as a filmmaker.

After the first two days of school, I thought it was the most amazing thing. My class mates and I got to play with cameras on the first day, the second we were writing a small screenplay (or script), which we would film in the back lot of Universal Studios — yup, I had definitely made the right decision. The next day in the back lot, I was standing in an old western bar, listening to the coordinator who was explaining the rules and safety regulations. All the different programs studying film making were given three actors to work with, it turned out that I was the first one to start filming my small story, which involved an exchange. It was the very first time directing actors to do a short film, I felt extremely nervous and did my best to be a Director.

The actors that I received were exactly what I needed for my story, one woman and one man, however, I was missing an actor. It took some time for the final actor to come and I thought it was going to mess up my film. The coordinator, herself, came to me and apologised for the wait. She offered me a young actor, who turned out to be excellent at acting as well. I considered myself lucky to meet those actors that day, they listened to everything I told them and adjusted themselves the way I needed. Looking through the lens of the camera and seeing the actors bring my material to life, giving direction, well, the most amazing feeling rushed over me and I could see the instant creation of motion picture in front of me. I remembered all those times in my life when I used to watch bloopers of movies I loved. I used to laugh and wish I could be apart of a creation that many people in the world would see — it still fills my heart today and drives me to make more films. When I finally sat down at the end of that day, I thought about where the nervousness went and how fluid I was in the middle of everything. It was one of the happiest days in my life.

How to REALLY Communicate

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Photo taken at the Tor, Glastonbury, UK

If there is one thing that has room for improvement, its interpersonal communication. There are only a few people out there that are really good at it, and well, the rest have a lot of catching up to do — including me. That does sounds harsh, but lets be honest here, communication wasn’t taught in standard schooling and isn’t practiced enough in a constructive way. The majority of the time, learning how to communicate came from watching our parents and feeling our way blindly through society. The communication I refer to is the common everyday interactions that tend to lack any real substance. How to REALLY communicate, requires a few key elements.

Trust:

In society today, trust is the element that is dangling in the wind — the point of view of the city life style. In small communities, trust is a whole lot stronger because people tend to know everyone anyway. However, trust plays a major role when communicating, it requires a certain level of vulnerability in an individual. Human connection is lacking in our modern day and, as time progresses, this connection will become weaker and weaker, if we let it. Not only is trust among people suffering, trust within ourselves is wavering as well. Learning discernment, and paying attention to how you truly feel are important factors to building trust within the self — this, in turn, will be reflected in our reality when communicating with other people.

Thinking:

Too often we don’t think deeply enough before speaking. A lot of the time there are reactions to what other people say and not enough responding. To react means to take what the another person says personally and immediately reflect back to that person an equally or more hurtful statement. To respond means to hear what the person is saying, understand how the person feels and use empathy. Its also important to be as clear as possible when conveying ideas and feelings with another person, as well as listening carefully.

If someone is in the position of the speaker and is leading a conversation which involves requesting something of another person, it’s best to be as clear as possible in order to not create confusion. In a marriage, a wife may say to her husband, in an irritated tone: “We never talk about anything,” implying she wants to talk about something more in depth. The husband could take this as an attack or criticism. He could also think: “We just talked about what to eat for dinner.” To communicate more effectively, and get what you want, the wife could say: “It was such a beautiful sunny day, how did you feel during work today?” This has the potential to open up a person for connection, more than hearing something that sounds like an antagonistic statement, rather than a clear request.

If the person in the position of the listener is left in a place where he or she feels they have to react rather than respond, its best to pay close attention to what the speaker is saying and choose a response that appropriately fits the situation. For example: A customer may say to a store employee: “You’re an asshole for not letting me use the restroom!” As a response to that customer, the store employee could say: “It seems you’re very frustrated at the moment, since you really need to use the toilet, however, next door has toilets that are open to the public.” The store employee does two things here; first, he or she doesn’t take personally what the customer has said to him/her; and secondly, assists in providing a solution that would fulfill the customer’s need. We all know the need to use the restroom has the potential to prevent us from being calm. In other situations, listening could require additional empathy, refer to my blog about Listening.

Finding the Bravery:

To open up and connect with another person you don’t know demands a lot of courage. A lot of people out there, including myself, are genuinely shy people — undercover introverts. However, if the desire to make connections is there, certain steps need to be taken. The first step is to assure yourself that the other person is NOT going to destroy you. As a person taking initiative in starting a conversation, it can be nerve-wracking, as negative thoughts about how the other person will perceive you seep into your mind. You begin to sweat, stutter, or loose track of what you wanted to say to begin with — take your time. The second step is to be confident in who you are, that means don’t be afraid to talk about yourself, but don’t forget to listen to what the other person has to say about themselves too. Often times, when you start a conversation, you find a common interest and things progress organically — that’s the goal! The third step is to realise that not everyone is going to want to connect with you right away — or at all — and that is perfectly fine. Keep in mind that the people who come into your life are meant to, even if things look horrible.

In short, how to REALLY communicate requires, trust, thinking, empathy and responding. With these tool at your disposal you’ll see yourself much more clearly and thus you’ll see other people a lot more clearly, too. You’ll establish connections that’ll be much more solid and long-lasting — that’s what it’s all about. We’re here to connect with each other and grow, spiritually, emotionally and mentally.