Trip to the North of England

977A1093FBLOG
Photo taking on the side of the road in the Lake District.

This past easter weekend, my wife Sara, her friend Adelle Flora Princess Spindlove —but we’ll call her Adelle for now— and I, took a road trip up north. Sara and I were headed to Lake District, whilst Adelle to Stratford-Upon-Avon — the little town where Shakespeare was born. We all jumped into a rented car and drove the scenic route towards Adelle’s destination. Along the way, we saw luscious landscapes of green fields and hills. Adelle spotted a huge tree that had a hole at the bottom of it, which to her looks like a man’s mouth.

It’s been getting better and better driving on the left side of the road, although at times I forget and yank the steering wheel back over to the left. Most of my concentration was used to focus on the road itself, not to much on the signs telling me where to go. Luckily, there was plenty of navigation in the car, from my phone, car navigation and Sara. As we arrived in Stratford-Upon-Avon, I still didn’t see any sun shine. I wanted the day to start out nice so I could see the landscape’s true beauty. We bid farewell to Adelle as she went to spend time with her friends, we would see her in a days time, to head back home.

Sara and I started our next bit of driving towards Lancaster, which was a little over two hours from Stratford. My lower back was beginning to ache, but I had enough energy to do the whole distance. I noticed that the weather never changed since leaving Southampton — the infamous dark clouds of England. However, as we approached Lancaster, the sun shined upon us. The warmth of the sun felt reassuring and made me feel like it was glad to see me too.

We stayed in a lovely house just outside of Lancaster, we could see fields of green far out in the distance; it felt spacious and free. Chickens in the backyard with a little lake stream, the air was clean and clear. I slept really well that night, exhausted by all the excitement of travel.

977A1159FBLOG
Sara and I

The next day was an early one, we were ready to see what the Lake District was all about. The woman who owned the house we stayed in, gave us a nice route through the Lake District, which was great since I had no idea what to expect. As we were driving up we could see the most beautiful landscapes, the sun shining on the land, like how I imagined. It reminded me of taking the train trip from London about 16 years ago when I visited a pen-pal; the first time I took the train alone in another country — I originally was visiting my family in London for the first time.

During the Lunar eclipse, Sara and I were in a small restaurant. I could feel the pressure in my ears and soon after Sara started feeling tired and emotional; the increase in energy was certainly felt. As we continued on our journey through the Lake District, scenes unfold of different hills, animals and mountains pass — lakes sparkling in the sunlight. We walked in a little village named Rydal, we walked with some sheep and Sara did a small meditation involving the four elements. As I waited for her, I took many photos of anything that was interesting; as the day was coming to an end, I said a small prayer in thanks for the weather being so great.

The next day, which it was time to head home, I woke up and looked outside the window to see thick fog. A short distance away I could see some cows huddled up together as if they were having a group meeting. As we headed back to Stratford-Upon-Avon to retrieve Adelle, the fog seemed to have disappeared. However, the dark clouds of England had returned and things were bleak again.

977A1352FBLOG
Rocking my Pancho

As we were approaching Stratford the clouds started to dissolve and the sun took claim of the skies, it was that moment I realized why I loved the sun so much: I understood that when the sun shines it creates contrast, you’re able to see distinct shadows on places that the sun didn’t reach. In a metaphorical sense, the sun creates light to see our shadows or subconscious so that was can shine the light of awareness upon them. The dark and cloudy weather keeps things in even lighting and it’s much harder to see the shadows of our being, thus no awareness of what’s keeping us from reaching new heights in life.

We arrived to Adelle successfully and headed back to home. I didn’t want the trip to end, remembering my love for traveling by car. The combination of music and the road in front of me, makes me feel like I’m always going somewhere, staying in motion does something to my being, something I haven’t fully figured out yet.

That Love Thing

977A8910F

Photo taken in Southampton, UK

“Imagine that you have a magical kitchen in your home. In that magical kitchen, you can have any food you want from any place in the world in any quantity. You never worry about what to eat; whatever you wish for, you can have at your table. You are very generous with your food; you give your food unconditionally to others, not because you want something in return from them. Whoever comes to your home, you feed just for the pleasure of sharing your food, and your house is always full of people who come to eat the food from your magical kitchen.

Then one day someone knocks at your door, and it’s a person with a pizza. You open the door, and the person looks at you and says, “Hey, do you see this pizza? I’ll give you this pizza if you let me control your life, if you just do whatever I want you to do. You are never going to starve because I can bring pizza every day. You just have to be good to me.”

Can you imagine your reaction? In your kitchen you can have the same pizza – even better. Yet this person comes to you and offers you food, if you just do whatever he wants you to do. You are going to laugh and say, “No, thank you! I don’t need your food; I have plenty of food. You can come into my house and eat whatever you want, and you don’t have to do anything. Don’t believe I’m going to do whatever you want me to do. No one will manipulate me with food.”

Now imagine exactly the opposite. Several weeks have gone by, and you haven’t eaten. You are starving, and you have no money in your pocket to buy food. The person comes with the pizza and says, “Hey, there’s food here. You can have this food if you just do what I want you to do.” You can smell the food, and you are starving. You decide to accept the food and do whatever that person asks of you. You eat some food, and he says, “If you want more, you can have more, but you have to keep doing what I want you to do.”

You have food today, but tomorrow you may not have food, so you agree to do whatever you can for food. You can become a slave because of food, because you need food, because you don’t have it. Then after a certain time you have doubts. You say, “What am I going to do without my pizza? I cannot live without my pizza. What if my partner decides to give the pizza to someone else – my pizza?”

Now imagine that instead of food, we are talking about love. You have an abundance of love in your heart. You have love not just for yourself, but for the whole world. You love so much that you don’t need anyone’s love. You share your love without condition; you don’t love if. You are a millionaire in love, and someone knocks on your door and says, “Hey, I have love for you here. You can have my love, if you just do whatever I want you to do.”

When you are full of love, what is going to be your reaction? You will laugh and say, “Thank you, but I don’t need your love. I have the same love here in my heart, even bigger and better, and I share my love without condition.”

But what is going to happen if you are starving for love, if you don’t have that love in your heart, and someone comes and says, “You want a little love? You can have my love if you just do what I want you to do.” If you are starving for love, and you taste that love, you are going to do whatever you can for that love. You can even be so needy that you give your whole soul just for a little attention.

Your heart is like that magical kitchen. If you open your heart, you already have all the love you need. There’s no need to go around the world begging for love: “Please, someone love me, to prove that I’m worthy of love.” We have love right here inside us, but we don’t see this love.”

The Mastery of Love — Don Miguel Ruiz

This blog is dedicated to love; and this wonderful story is mighty significant to me.

True Stories: Gwongaga-go

977A8874F

Photo taken in NYC, 2014

Disclaimer: Another story that took place in NYC a year ago.

It’s always nice meeting my friend Yunji in the city. She certainly makes a great person to just bounce ideas off of and allow you to speak your mind free of judgements — not many of those in the world if you ask me. However, today we were going to meditate together and I was going to do a chant that I dreamt about a few nights before. Yunji was very excited about doing this because she’s very sensitive to energy, and seems to feel a lot of it coming from me, so I thought — what the heck, lets see what happens.

It took us a while to find a spot, since at that time of day on 12th Avenue and the art district there are many people walking around and enjoying the last few weeks of summer. We eventually found a small patch of grass behind some tall bushes, our backs were towards a group of teenagers throwing powder at each other — only in NYC. The sky looked like it wanted to rain off and on as a very dark cloud decided to come over us, it seemed like some unknown force knew we’d be doing this today. We settled in and finally got started.

As I began my chant, “Gwongaga-go,” “Gwongaga-go,” a rhythm started in me, it felt like I was back in my dream. My shoulders swayed and rocked, I could feel the energy going down my spin and flushing across the grass we were sitting on. After a while, I completely blocked out the fact that people were walking around us, helicopter noises in the background and a few rain drops here and there — I was in the zone. Inside me, the energy felt so great I wanted to scream out my chant — but didn’t out of fear. I eventually slowed down and came to a gentle stop. I could feel my body vibrating and it felt so uplifting and filled me with positive energy. I wonder if I had let myself go, how much more energy there would have been.

Afterwards, Yunji gave her thoughts about the experience, and she felt huge amounts of energy from it. She even talked about some of the visions she had received from it that completely related to the dream I had had. The dream was of me being on a Atlantean row boat as a tsunami wave was about to crush us; she gave some details about the ship that triggered more of my memories of the dream; a great time to share with a good friend.

As we were walking towards the train station, Yunji decided she wanted to eat at a restaurant nearby, as she had become extremely hungry after the meditation. I decided to go on home. As I was walking down the stairs into the subway, I was feeling really good about doing my chant in front of someone else. A woman with a baby carriage was single handedly carrying the carriage up the steps. I quickly offer my assistance, and I heard a young boy in the background commenting about my teenage mutant ninja turtles t-shirt. After reaching the top of the steps I faced the young boy. He had the most beautiful, golden hair, and by far, the most exquisite ocean blue eyes. I said a few jokes and everyone laughed, I said my farewell and proceeded down the steps. In the distance I heard, “I love you, BYE!” I quickly turned around and told him “I love you too!” as we exchanged waves. My day was certainly made.

Poetry: Torn

977A0762F

Photo taken in Mottisfont, UK

A foot in this world, another else where, polarities pull.
From a time without an ending, like a dream, I am suddenly alive.
Traveling through the murkiness of my reality, I loose my true self.
Years and years, a child, a teenager, a young man, a grown adult, navigating; the blind leading the blind.

Undoubtedly searching, a light outside to my inside, only to further sink in the quicksands of darkness.

When things no longer can get darker than any darkness, a light flickers.
Only descending will allow me to ascend.

The slip to regain balance, I stumble for alignment.
How true is light if it is not seen from my own consciousness?
The echoes of eternity beating in my own heart.

Cultivating in the warmth of my own light, I am pure and strong.
The sands of time are no more, only a budding flower in my sun.
Watching conversations of my ego to my heart, they struggle needlessly.
A coin of two sides not knowing they are one.
Outside of polarities, my feet firmly and sturdy, I am my true self, without any bounds.

A Night’s Dream

977A9735F

Photo taken at NewForest, UK

Brushing my teeth with my wife, we giggle as we try to understand each other as we speak at the same time. The faucet running in the background, waiting for the water to warm up. We go to the bedroom, I lay my head down on my comfy pillow, noticing the muscles in my back release instantly. My wife turns off the little crystal lamp we got as a wedding gift; I can almost feel like the energy of the crystal emanating in the room when the light is on. Immediate darkness captures the room, a short snuggle before drifting off into another world.

All sorts of colours emerge, almost like looking at a moving painting. The sky, filled with so much blue that it feels like there isn’t any ground under me—I’m laying flat on my bed, I turn to my left to see my wife’s back. I look outward and fields of grass are swaying in the breeze. I turn over to my right and a computer is there with Facebook open. My friend Blake’s face showing up near the chat bar, a warm feeling fills my heart. I’m typing to him but I can hear his voice too, a phone in my hand appears. Blake tells me that everything is going fine at the new workshop he’s put together for our friend Teal. I feel deeply proud of him for doing such a great job, his voice fills my heart as he tells me he needs to go. I lean back and look up into the sky, six very big bumble bees glide over me. Taking notice of the branches of a tree, I look intently at the details in the yellow leaves, wondrous and lush. Behind the trees the number nine-forms in the sky, as if planes were drawing it; my phone rings. When I answer, it’s a soft familiar voice, “Hey Kevin, its Teal, I’m calling you back now, I’m sorry I didn’t call back sooner.” Feeling the connection with her, as if we have known each for years and years and years and years. Hearing the noise of the audience in the background I say to her, “Oh there you are, you’re about to go on, huh?” She tells me she wanted to hear how I was and I explained to her some of the new insights I had come across. I finally ask her, “How can I get back to knowing what people truly feel?” She replied without hesitation, “Fear.” I asked her to repeat because it makes no sense, she says,“Fear.” Taking a pause to reflect on what she has said, I look over to my left and the biggest tsunami takes shape not to far from me—I can’t believe the wonder of it all. Suddenly, and equally as huge, killer whales swim into sight; I yell into the phone, “Oh my god Teal! The most amazing thing is happening!” I continued to watch, three, four, five killer whales swimming in the tsunami wave—and in a blink of an eye, they reduce in size to fit into a fish tank. Things calm down and I apologise to Teal about yelling into the phone. She tells me she needs to go since it is time to start the workshop. I tell her it will be my turn to call her back next time and she sounds delighted to hear it. I wake up, the sun beating on the blinds in the bedroom, back in the real world.

The dream left me so happy, laying next to my wife, I reflected back on the events in the dream. I questioned Teal’s answer to my question along with the other symbols in my dream. I get up and look for my dream book, decoding is afoot.

Theories: Triad Relationships

7d48d0284

Photo from theatlantic.com

Throughout mainstream media, society, and in our personal life, we all know that in relationships there is “supposed” to be one man and one woman or— what’s becoming more and more acceptable these days— same sex couples. However, there are relationships out there that have more than two people in them, and I’m not talking about open relationships, or the infamous threesomes. I’m talking about an actual relationship that has three people engaged in an equal exchange of physical and emotional connections. At the same time, what I’ll be writing about is my personal theory in the how a triad relationship can work and the general requirements for it to be successful. A lot of this is coming from my own perspective, I’ve spent a lot of time meditating in the past three years and connecting with my own heart, clearing out the social conditioning and pressures to see the vast potential in a union such as a triad. I want to be clear as well that this subject matter is not full on polyamory, much rather, a joining of hearts in a way that would only magnify what already is in the traditional one-man one-woman scenario. Furthermore, I’ll be discussing this based on a triad that consists of two women and one man. As I believe, with a combination of two-women one-man triad relationship, there is a higher potential for it working more successfully. I am not saying this is the case in all situations, but, as I’ve seen from many observations I’ve made throughout my life, women connect on a deeper level with other women rather than men to men. Granted if a man in a triad is open to the idea of another man, the situation is left open for interpretation, as is for all the other combinations.

In any “normal” relationship there is the exchange of love, support, compassion, carrying out house chores and taking vacations together. With a triad, it’s the same exact thing but with a third party. I know what you’re thinking, why a third person? However, a better questions is, why “not” a third person? Having a third person creates a greater dynamic in various situations a one-to-one relationship wouldn’t have. Often times in a one-to-one relationship, disagreements arises where you have both people reacting to each other as if it were a fifteen minute ping pong match. Majority of the time, in the heat of the moment, two angry people are screaming at each other until someone backs down and really starts listening; or worse, gives up. In other times that same heated situation can last for days or months and eventually there is a separation. On the other hand, having a third person increases the chance of there being a mediator, thus, arguments are had and there’s a higher chance of peace being made because that third person can hear what the first two are in conflict about.

One of the major qualities of having a triad relationship is the exchange of love. I’m not talking sex, I’m talking about raw love energy. Imagine feeling disappointed about not getting a job promotion you’ve work really hard to get, or feeling insecure because your art work didn’t get the amount of positive feedback you had hoped for. Receiving the love and support from two people you love equally has a huge amount of potential for making you feel comforted, accepted and encouraged in an instant—for a longer period of time. Imagine how a child would feel with this amount of love and compassion coming from two mothers—the idea of this alone presents a plausible reason for having a triad relationship. Also, that’s not to mention the practicality of it all; less rent to pay, twice the cuddles, twice the hugs, someone being there for the children, always having someone to talk to, and to top it all off; the potential for amazing sex.

The biggest reason that a triad wouldn’t work, would be primarily due to a lack of communication, secondly, close-mindedness. Just like in a one-to-one relationship, communicating is key—not just talking about any old thing, but talking about true feelings. If the members entering a triad don’t have a good handle on communicating their feelings, any one can be pushed out or be left feeling like the third wheel. A consistent flow of stating what each member wants and needs, and what their goals and

 Photo from theprodentist.com

Photo from theprodentist.com

plans are is essential for it to be a successful relationship. Lets face it, there will be times where each member will have moments of insecurity, embarrassment and shame, just like in a one-to-one. It takes a very open-minded person to even explore a triad, so if your mind is already closed to it, then it’s not the best thing to get into. Thinking only on the sexual parts and not the emotional parts will bite you on the butt harder than an angry Rottweiler. Just be prepared to face shadows that will arise within a triad relationship — they will hit you quickly.

What brought me to this conclusion that a triad is beneficial was due to many self-realisations and basic logic. As I’ve mentioned, I meditate often. When you meditate often enough, you start peeling away the social and parental domestications that are put in place during childhood. Watching T.V. movies, real life people and over hearing conversations; we all are under the influence and pressure of what other people think and say. Meditation connects you with your core self, dissolving the introjections that were infused into the mind by society and the people closest to us. The ideas, of what “should” be, that you once thought were you own, were actually someone else’s— probably someone from eons ago. This is what I’ve discovered in myself: connections, relationships and love are not limited to a one-to-one relationship and can be so much more enriching with a third. The extra additive of perspective, love and joy is as great as having a warm fudge brownie with strawberry ice cream and caramel syrup. At the same time a triad works with all members on the same level of thinking and is exclusive to each other. I don’t consider it being a playground for sexual pleasures, its to really connect on a spiritual, mental and emotional level.

You’re probably thinking, what is so wrong with a one-to-one relationship? Absolutely nothing! If that’s your preference, then it’s your choice; however, is that preference based on your own idea or the ideas of another long past? In retrospect, it doesn’t really matter at all, yet, a triad relationship has an ample amount of potential for enhancing the way we view ourselves and the world when it comes to love and making emotional connections. Triad relationships could be the next evolutionary step in bringing a more harmonious way of living for all of man-kind.

How Quickly Life Can Change

977A0902F

Photo taken near the country side of Mottisfont, UK

Of all the many little things I’ve noticed in England, driving has stood out the most to me recently. Not that fact that they drive on the left, but how drivers don’t heed to the people walking. This of course increases your awareness when crossing the street, however, it made me reflect on how your life could end in an instant.

Taking a shower one day, I came to a strong realisation— a lot are buzzing around these past few days and weeks— that we are living so tightly to our rules, standards and how we want things to go specifically, all for it to just disappear when we die. Some of you may think this will turn out to be some cheesy blog about living your life to the fullest and such, but the hell with that. Take a good look at life, go outside and just look. Watch carefully how some people walk right out into oncoming traffic, how some walk directly to the crosswalk and wait until that blaring beep noise goes off in order to make it across the street safely — its like that in England. I know, I know, it’s for the blind, but I think it’s more for the seeing. I have to question: What the hell are we doing in life? More importantly, what in the hell am I doing in life?

Asking myself these questions throughout my life, I’m trying so hard to do the things I love to do in my life. Doing my mediations, staying focused, keeping myself light, calm and clear in order to reach the goals I set for myself. However, many reasons are floating around in the cosmos as to why I haven’t been able to do what I love with full force. I honestly just don’t want my life to end without doing everything I can to make it the best. Also the chronic urge to help people within my reach and send out love to all — the low key humanitarian in me. Well, even that isn’t going as well since many backs have turned.

Writing this, I’m thinking how this is turning more into a journal entry than a blog. I know for a fact that many who may come across this writing may have been asking themselves the same questions. Of course they’re answers, but no one can give them to you other than you. As for me, I understand the old ways of thinking are falling away, transitioning into new ones. Facing my fears and breaking new ground is really showing me the possibilities of reaching what I want in life. They’re becoming more and more apparent, kind of like when a shark shows it’s dorsal fin on the surface of the water— you know it’s a shark! As the situations, people and opportunities in life, they’re there, right below the transparent surface. How interesting it is to have to go through so many experiences and meet so many people in order to do the very thing you’ve desired from childhood. I consistently think: what a waste of time. Then, realise when you do get to the destination, it was a great ride to get there and all you want to do is go on the ride again.