Kambô; From Poison to Medicine: Session 3 (Final)

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Photo take at the session

The weeks leading up to the final session, a number of concepts, ideas, and “ah-ha” moments have come into my reality. From understanding what a vibration match means, I’ve finally seen in full why my wife and I are a match and what our growth together entails. Along with finding the rhythm of my being, knowing what it is I want out of life and pursuing it without all the doubts and conditioning that were interfering with my mind. You know, the ideas our parents pass down to us that turn into introjections, which follows us everywhere we go — even while we sleep. About five weeks went by leading to the final session, which was the weekend after the huge solar eclipse (March 20th). I can’t help but think that the universe knows exactly when to do things, especially in this time of awakening.

My wife and I drove over to Glastonbury really early that morning. We wanted to catch the first session of the day so we could enjoy the rest of the afternoon — to fulfil my hungry wife’s urge to eat. We were the first to arrive and rushed in as we had to use the toilet; it was a new599d22a0f56669e57a87be4c486d2012f912c4b13ad7d057c5c31bb3550614a0 venue for us and we liked it much more than the other one, despite the stiff coldness of the room. We wanted to be the first ones to go, we were much more confident than the last two times and my wife’s hunger was growing bigger each time. When she went up, very quickly, the medicine took its effect and her skin turned as red as a stop signal. The majority of the people in the room were on their first time doing Kambô, so it was good for them to see some veterans step up to the plate. A man who sat next to me, who had done Ayahuasca a few times, looked nervous. I reassured him that it was fine and it wouldn’t last very long. That came from me, who was about to have sixteen dots applied. The more dots you have, the deeper the medicine goes, and probably that much more intense.

As soon as my wife went back to her spot, I was called up next since a lot of work had to be done on me. I went on up, not a worry in the world but with all eyes on me. Everyone knew the amount of dots I was about to get and even the practitioner, jokingly, told me that he wasn’t responsible for what might happen to me. I sat down, on what appeared to be a preschool chair, and rolled up my shirt on my left arm. A woman sat in my view and she kept her eyes on me, she had really cool indian looking pants on that were brown and baggy — earlier, I had noticed her doing some stretches like she does yoga. The practitioner applied the burns while I was still drinking my last pint of water. I felt super relaxed and ready to see what would happen with this final experience. The room was lit with the dark clouds outside, I wished the sun was out so I could really get into the mood; the first dot of medicine was applied. I opened and closed my eyes, the gushing sound of water hitting a bucket, my wife had started purging; at that moment I didn’t realise how quickly she had started. The sounds of my heart beat started to become much more noticeable, the medicine’s effect was in the ON position. I opened my eyes and saw the woman looking at me, I told her, “Don’t be alarmed by what you see, I am totally fine.” Half way through having the rest of the medicine applied, the practitioner asked if he could take photos of the medicine on my arm. I allowed him, a long with a few others in the room. Then, I noticed that I was no longer going to be able to get up. The medicine seemed to have travelled where it needed to go in my body, in a flash. The practitioner came close to my left ear and asked if I could get up — I couldn’t answer. He told me to stay there, 4949669126ddaee5601cd15c41eee392f15efdad6b970e124bf41b93b859b240and he grabbed his drum. Two other helpers came, I could feel one behind me with a rattler and another in front of me wafting palo santo — my eyes closed the whole time. I could feel the whole room looking at me but I wanted them to, I wanted them to see a person who had made the choice to go as deep as he could and be just fine. I swayed left and right in the preschoolers chair, thinking to myself that it was probably a bad idea. I felt the medicine seeping in even deeper, agony was afoot — get this shit out of me, I chanted to myself. I thought about the heaviness that was in me at the last session and I wanted it to come out, so I stayed with it and then; I purged. I cheered myself on, as one would do when they see a hero in a movie or T.V show finally get that left hook on the bad guy. I purged beautifully and I was assisted back to my spot next to my wife.

It didn’t take long before I recovered, much quicker than the last two sessions; I was amazed by how I felt. I pictured myself as a clear being with no murkiness — squeaky clean. I cleared my throat and I felt the urge to “oum,” but I got too shy and kept it in. I laid back and allowed myself to relax, my body felt like it had been through two marathon runs; I wrapped myself up in mine and my wife’s blankets.

It took me about three days to recover from this session, I felt like laying down all the time and when eating I had to do so slowly so I wouldn’t bring it back up. Wherever the Kambô medicine went, it went super deep and a number of emotional things came up, which were triggered and integrated during the recovery time. It’s only today, after writing this I feel like I’m fully in my body.

If after reading these blogs, Session 1 and Session 2, you may get a fearful feeling; that’s your ego trying to protect you. Tell that dude or dudette that it’s completely fine, however, if you want to have a Kambô session, be prepared for your shadows to surface. Have the bravery to take on these shadow and integrate them. Your shadows are what are keeping you from achieving what it is you desire in your life, whether that be from relationships to money. Face these shadows and all that which you want in your life will be in reach because you WILL believe it is. Thank you all for reading these blogs and be safe.

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The Healing Pond

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Photo taken in Southampton

Laying on my back on the sofa, I allow the muscles in my hips, shoulders and thighs to melt into the surface of the cushions; my legs sway a little as they naturally stop in their place. The tension behind my eyes are released, the feeling of peace reverberates to the centre of my body. Rising and falling, the air in my chest flows instinctively— slowly inhale, slowly exhale. My fingers slide apart into the sofa, the palms of my hands become soft as of a lovers graze. A gentle breeze, from no where, runs up my arm as the conjoined quiver slides down my spine; a large exhale.

As I sink deeper into myself, I begin to visualise a small pond surrounded by firm palm trees; the lines in their trunks are profound and distinct. The water is forming soft ripples, gliding along the surface, as if being combed by the wind. I walk slowly towards the pond and look down into it; blue light emanating from the bottom. My curiosity takes control as I try to get a clearer look at what’s there— diving into the water. Bubbles of all sizes form around my body, a bleak grey steam dissolves off my skin into the water, I’m rotating my arms to propel me into the depths of the pond.

Plunging through the mist, the blue light becomes more refine, revealing a cluster of very large clear quartz crystals— covering the entire floor of the pond, their pointed tips facing up towards me. I float in suspension, bewildered by the amount of crystals before me. The energy they emit sends tingles throughout my body. The vibration leaving me paralysed, my body starts to drift. Losing my poise, my back is pointed towards the crystals. The blue light beginning to enter the pores of my left arm, seeping into my cells, causing them to glow white. Lines of white light extend to my heart as it circulates through my body; the incandescent light encased my entire being.

Starting from my feet going up, my body becomes fragmented. Tiny balls form as they start to vibrate faster and faster and clash into each other vigorously. From where my head used to be, a crystallized head starts to form. My crystal-quartz-transparent-human-body floats in the middle of the pond, glowing yellow aura a few inches away from me, as I attempt to move my finger tips.

I breathe steadily as I move my toes and stretch my arms. I am recreated in higher vibration; my body feeling smooth and silky against the sofa. I slowly open my eyes and bring myself back to my reality, ready to share this new energy with the world.

A Walk in the Sand Dunes

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Taken near Eastleigh, UK

I was leaving from my weekly college class the other day, the sun shining directly onto me in the direction I needed to walk in; you can see from the photo above. I was in a state of detachment from the world and the people around me. I looked up, the sun rays engulfed me and immediately I felt like I was walking in the middle of a desert. With traditional Japanese music playing in my wireless headphones, my journey to the train station turned into a stroll through a sand dune.

I could see myself dressed in a long brown cloak with white wool clothed material, along with a grey turban to shield me from the suns rays; walking in a vast desolate space filled with gently blowing sand. I hold a long rope that sagged in the middle, three feet in front of my camel, I walk. A clear sky, filled with an unbelievable amount of blue that you can almost touch, the sun was fixed in front of me on the street. I could imagine only seeing my foot prints behind me as I walked in a direction that only had sand as far I could see. The sounds of the music in my ears made me feel like I was a lonely merchant walking to a far new land in search for products for business and trade. As I come to a crossing, a car passes in front of me, I approached the other side walk stepping over a puddle; I blink my eyes and see in my sand dune, the heat waves rising off the ground in the distance. A small pain in the ball of my right foot propelled me to imagine the hot sand going through my sandals, the slight frictionoman-sand-dunes_1124684c between the sand and my barefoot giving me a massaging sensation. The shuffling of what was in my backpack made me think that my camel and I were walking through the hot desert than actually being in our modern city street. I walked by a school where small children were playing outside, the thought of hearing the winds moaning in the distance as I place one foot in front of the other through the sand. Feeling more removed from my current reality, I bask in my imagination that seemed much more fulfilling.

I raised my head up to the sun, letting its warmth fill my face. I imagine being at a small oasis, poring cool water over my hot sweaty head. The soothing feeling of these opposing sensations fill my heart with calmness and tranquility. At the train station I stand in a stairwell, I can hear the wind making a gentle whisper near the hand rail. I move closer and I place my hand out as the wind seeps through my fingers. The sand falling through my fingers at the oasis, the orange light of the dusk sun. The world I’ve created is coming to a close as the train pulls into the station. The music drowns out as reality is back in motion.

The Inner Children 2

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Taken at the Glastonbury Tor, UK

Revealing another one of my inner work experiences, which involves taking a feeling to explore and guiding it towards integration. For this particular feeling some very new discoveries and old mysteries emerge.

I started with the feeling of unworthiness. A current situation that resulted in me feeling this was not receiving attention from the friends I consider close and dear to me. Moving to England had taken its toll on me and I needed them the most, those that were back in New York City. Once again I settle into my meditative state and allow the feeling of unworthiness consume me. It rushes over me like a flame on paper, sinking to my stomach (solar plexus) area, vibrating like the sound a rock makes as it hits the bottom of an empty drum.

“When was the first time you felt unworthiness?” My inner voice mutters, as I poke energetically through the darkness, waiting for an image to appear. In a matter of moments a memory appeared when I was about 12 or 13 years old, a girl I liked with long black hair and pale skin play-fighting with another one of my male friends. Play-fighting on my couch in the first apartment I grew up in, the younger me had invited her to the apartment because he was very fond of her, but because he was overly shy he asked his other friend to join them. The younger me watched as I could feel from him the unworthiness of being unable to have her touch and receive her playful smile. However, I knew it wasn’t the original birthplace of unworthiness. I watched it for a while longer as I could feel the emanating rays of unworthiness coming from the younger version of myself.

It took a little longer than normal. Since I do the process so much, I would automatically assume the origin of a feeling would appear around the toddler age — a thought of daycare emerged. This version of myself was roughly 3 to 5 years of age. At that age I was very attached to my mother, whenever I was taken to daycare I would become very upset when my mother left me there. I would cry because she left me, an aspect of the origin of unworthinesses revealed itself. I couldn’t believe how little it took to feel unworthy, just this action, but then something else revealed itself instantly. The head care taker, a beautiful woman whose name I still remember till this day, held me in her arms. I watched how this woman held the younger me as if I were her own. He, the younger me, looked at her with great intensity, he was in love with this woman. What I felt from my younger self lit up my entire body like a christmas tree, immediately, tears of uncontrollable happiness flooded out of my eyes. The tender feeling of concentrated love beamed into the younger me as the care taker looked right back into his eyes with the same intensity. A mixture of romantic love and motherly love filled my mind, her dark hair with fair white skin, the birth of my preference in women.

Part of the inner child work (if you choose to go further into this) is to change aspects of the past with a version that would better suit you. By recreating this memory you realign the energy of yourself that has been distorted. Watching the immense love coming from the care taker I decided to assign her as my mother. The current version of myself materialised in the room and I stood with both of them, my hand around my caretaker as the younger me in her arms. As soon as that happened I was propelled to the first memory of my 12-13 year old version of myself that had been watching the girl he liked having fun with his other male friend. I appeared behind him and put my hands on his shoulders. He looked up at me and we both looked at the two playing, my caretaker also emerged and knelt down next to the younger me. She stroked his cheek and the intense feeling of love encased him. This version of myself had dissolved into my being and filled the empty shell that had been displayed to me before (in previous post). I proceeded by asking the younger me: “What would you like to do now?” He said confidently, “I don’t want my friend to be here, I just want her with me.” And so we made it so that the girl was alone with him and it was revealed to me the possibility that that girl didn’t really find the other guy interesting but had wanted to be just with me the entire time. I felt an instant release in my current body, which filled my heart.

This process was so intense that afterwards I felt exhausted. The rest of the day I was depleted and slept really well that night. A discovery within discoveries happened in that session, one in which I’m extremely proud of.

The Inner Children

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Photo taken at Glastonbury Tor.

Over the the last month I’ve been undergoing a process that is not commonly experienced by the average person. Not that there is anything wrong with being average, but by going beyond the norm, you learn many more things about yourself. It started with a feeling: ashamed. I felt ashamed because I don’t have a form of income at the moment, since moving to England to be with my wife a few months ago. This circumstance and feeling didn’t just stroll along and say: “Today is the day to feel shame!” No, no, this feeling had been around for a very long time and had found its opportunity to show itself in this current situation. So, this is what I do: I lay down on my white sofa, my head placed on a soft cushion, muscles relaxed in my back and shoulders; I invite shame into my being. Discomfort trickles behind my eyelids causing twitching around my forehead. The heaviness in my chest reveals a responsibility and burden behind the shame. I ask myself: “When was the first time I felt shame?” The echo of this question vibrates throughout my body and into my soul as the blackness fills my mind, a second later I see a younger me (around 6 or 7 years old) standing in the airport. I’m looking around, frantic as I cannot find my father. I stare at my mother and I repeat “Where is Daddy!? Where is Daddy?!” My mother, her eyes glued to the person she’s talking to, ignores me. Finally, out of frustration she yells: “HE’S NOT HERE!” The younger me’s body completely tenses up, my younger sister, the other person my mother was talking to, passer-by’s, and my mother all stare at me; distressed, surprised. The intensifying feeling of helplessness, I look back at these very people looking at me, tears of restraint erupt. Shame was born that day. As I watched 525fba3c3fccedd11a17e4a9cc4ed946the younger me cry, my current shame made a link to its raw counterpart in front of me. I felt the pain of the younger me as my own tears welled, and, forming a single drop, rolled down the side of my face, dripping into my ear lobe. I am literally reliving what was once in the past. As I often do with this type of inner child work, I materialised as my current self in the time frame my younger me was in. He knew who I was immediately, as our eyes connected. I reached out to him, at the same time he reached to me and we embraced. The love in my heart expanded rapidly as this younger me had needed this love dearly. I squeezed him tightly, his head curled up in my chest, only him and I existed in the airport, like a painting on a white canvas. Soon after, the younger me began to dissolve into my being revealing shells of myself, like Russian dolls. Different ages of my being suspended as empty shells within, waiting to be filled, parts of life that had been stuck in past negative feelings, unhealed and awaiting to be integrated. As this process continues I asked the younger me: “What would you like to do now?” He lifted his head and replied “I want to fly in the clouds.” We lifted off from inside the airport, the ceiling revealing the sky with fluffy clouds, and flew through the air. Our fingers cutting into the clouds, happiness echoed in my body. Radiating energy from the centre of my chest, my eyes filled with tears of joy. The look on the younger me was breathtaking. Awakening from this delightful imaginary, I realised that much more work needs to be done and being whole is clearly in reach. Many layers of my being are stuck in different feelings, waiting to be felt. The beginning of a fine adventure for my inner children.

Light Show 3 (Originally 03-Nov-2014)

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Taken at Coney Island, NYC

Another interesting night with Laura at Coney Island. One of our last encounters together before I headed off to be with my wife in England. That night was the beginning of cold weather which is slowly approaching us for the seasons change. It was a nice refreshing air though, with warm clothing I felt a bit of “epic-ness” fill my body as I waited for my timer to finish while this photo was taken. Beside me, Laura inspecting her camera intensively as she watched the seconds go by on her phone to get the right exposure. Underneath us was the flowing water. It’s always nice watching the water be water. It doesn’t get told what to do or how to function majority of the time, it just is.

I watch how a lot of my fellow human beings put systems to everyday life, from work all the way down to cooking. The rules must be followed or else things will be ruined, in some cases. The stature of limits we place on ourselves at times makes me feel so uneasy at moments in my life like needing to urinate when you’re in a swimming pool, left with two choices, either get out and used the restroom or release it where you swim.

This photo exploits the breaking of boundaries in which a photo that is taken with long exposure must stay at a fixed focal length. In other words I became bored, tired of the same; place-tripod-here, set exposure here, then, lets see what happens kind of thing. Evidence has shown that over the centuries of human existence that systems have worked and how following the rules keep things in “order.” At the same time there is evidence that when rules are broken they give birth to new creations and experiences. Although I like breaking rules, it oftentimes jars people because of how systematic and comfortable we get with what we call “traditions.” I’m even understanding that rules can be broken even if you don’t know the rules.

With Nature (Originally 20-Oct-2014)

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Taken at Central Park, NYC

This past weekend I was honored to take photos of this up and coming yoga teacher.  Her past consists of her getting a metal rod put in her back, a story that involves much more than I’m allowed to say. This photo is a symbol of oneness and diligence. There are a number of miraculous people in the world and seldom do we know them as they walk among us as regular people from day to day.

Each morning I get up early and I take a walk in a nearby park. The changing colors of the trees, with a slight gust of wind, the leaves dance in the air. When I approach a stump of a cut down tree, I sit at its center.  I close my eyes and immediately see for a moment a swirling energy pulling away from me.

As I take in a deep breath, the scent of wet grass and leaves fills my body, peace washed over me.  My body becomes as solid as the tree, the feeling of gravity is revealed to me with a pull from the base of my spine.  As with the main image above, this sense of peace radiates off of the yoga teacher as she bonds with nature.

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