Poetry: Inhale and Exhale

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Photo taken at Stow, UK

In with the new, like a toy, unable to leave this unique and unusual element alone.
The increase in Eros throughout my being gives rise to excitement, like the rush from sugar, sweetness engulfs my soul.
In with the new, the muscles of my face less used, with a smile. The art of life drawn on my blank canvas with all the colors of the rainbow.
Fluid and free, I Inhale the essence of existence to automate my shifting energy through the space of my four walls.

Out with old, the full trash can of decomposing emotions, recycling in its release.
The contraction of my being causing pain of change, the elements I wish to keep are allowed to leave, whether I want it, or not.
The freewill of the universe resides in my bloodstream, flowing down to my feet and up to my heart, the circulation carrying the oxygen of dead cells — on the Exhale.
What no longer is needed withers in the invisible substance that floats around our anatomy. I am safe in knowing I no longer need to keep, what I thought I worked so hard to reach.

Take a deep breath……..Now, let it out, be at peace.

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True Stories: From Screenplay to Screen Play

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Photo taken at the back lot of Universal Studios

Disclaimer: This true life event happened in January 2010

It was nearly a year after I left the army. What a relief to leave the grips of an organisation that wanted to control my life — if not the world — and not have a say in it. I left the army with all the benefits and decided to do some schooling. Not knowing what I wanted to study, I went back to NYC and suddenly remembered the school I had had my eye on before I left high school: New York Film Academy. I thought since I would be able to study in the city, and receiving all the benefits from attending, I could save as much money as possible for whatever I next wanted to do. However, when I visited NYFA, they told me that the NYC branch didn’t accept the GI-Bill that was created that year, but the Los Angeles branch did. I was extremely nervous about going to California, but finally decided to go ahead with it. Being in LA, where all the movie magic happens, was a once in a lifetime chance. So, I jumped in my car and drove over to LA where I would meet the roommates I had assembled and start my studies as a filmmaker.

After the first two days of school, I thought it was the most amazing thing. My class mates and I got to play with cameras on the first day, the second we were writing a small screenplay (or script), which we would film in the back lot of Universal Studios — yup, I had definitely made the right decision. The next day in the back lot, I was standing in an old western bar, listening to the coordinator who was explaining the rules and safety regulations. All the different programs studying film making were given three actors to work with, it turned out that I was the first one to start filming my small story, which involved an exchange. It was the very first time directing actors to do a short film, I felt extremely nervous and did my best to be a Director.

The actors that I received were exactly what I needed for my story, one woman and one man, however, I was missing an actor. It took some time for the final actor to come and I thought it was going to mess up my film. The coordinator, herself, came to me and apologised for the wait. She offered me a young actor, who turned out to be excellent at acting as well. I considered myself lucky to meet those actors that day, they listened to everything I told them and adjusted themselves the way I needed. Looking through the lens of the camera and seeing the actors bring my material to life, giving direction, well, the most amazing feeling rushed over me and I could see the instant creation of motion picture in front of me. I remembered all those times in my life when I used to watch bloopers of movies I loved. I used to laugh and wish I could be apart of a creation that many people in the world would see — it still fills my heart today and drives me to make more films. When I finally sat down at the end of that day, I thought about where the nervousness went and how fluid I was in the middle of everything. It was one of the happiest days in my life.

Poetry: Torn

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Photo taken in Mottisfont, UK

A foot in this world, another else where, polarities pull.
From a time without an ending, like a dream, I am suddenly alive.
Traveling through the murkiness of my reality, I loose my true self.
Years and years, a child, a teenager, a young man, a grown adult, navigating; the blind leading the blind.

Undoubtedly searching, a light outside to my inside, only to further sink in the quicksands of darkness.

When things no longer can get darker than any darkness, a light flickers.
Only descending will allow me to ascend.

The slip to regain balance, I stumble for alignment.
How true is light if it is not seen from my own consciousness?
The echoes of eternity beating in my own heart.

Cultivating in the warmth of my own light, I am pure and strong.
The sands of time are no more, only a budding flower in my sun.
Watching conversations of my ego to my heart, they struggle needlessly.
A coin of two sides not knowing they are one.
Outside of polarities, my feet firmly and sturdy, I am my true self, without any bounds.

Theories: What a Vibrational Match Means

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Photo taken in my living room..

There’s a phrase that gets used a lot in the “spiritual” community “Being a vibrational match to — fill in the blank”. For those who have stumbled across this blog or just don’t know what it is, I’ll be explaining — to the best of my ability — what this actually means. For the most part, I’ll be explaining what it means to be a vibrational match to people and or circumstances in life. Don’t worry, this’ll probably be much more entertaining than informative.

Before we get into the meat of what a vibrational match is, we need to understand what vibration means. Of course, it sounds just like what it is, but, in this particular context , it means much more than you might think. Everything that’s in existence has a vibration to it, a type of frequency. If you could imagine colours, each colour has a code. For example: FF000 is a colour shade for yellow, and 74DF00 is a colour shade for green. As colours gets more complicated so does the combinations of numbers, just as when it comes to people, and the complexities give off their own unique value. Frequency plays a big role when it comes to vibration matching. The universal example that’s often used is; having cable television with five hundred plus channels. By switching to each channel, you’re tuned into what that channel has to show — all the while the other channels are still running in real time. To be a match to those channels depends on what you’re interested in viewing. All of this goes on in our life; we think a particular thing and somewhere in our reality it will appear, it can present itself very subtly or it can scream in your face like a angry monkey in Gibraltar.

Take a moment and think about something in your life you thought about first, before an indication of it came in your reality — a friend? Being in a relationship? A camera you like? Shoes you want to buy? This isn’t to be confused with full on conscious manifestation, however, these frequencies of thought that you’re tapping into are physically bringing you into the reality of other people, places or things that are similar to what your original thought was. For example, if you were thinking about getting a loved one a gift for their birthday; on your way home you’d hear someone else talk about buying a gift for someone, or you’d see a billboard on the side of a bus referring to “getting the perfect gift,” as it drove on by. You, were a vibrational match to those people walking down the street next to you and being at the right moment and time to see the billboard.

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Photo from nord5g.com

As things become more intricate, you start to see that there are high vibrations and low vibrations. High vibrations are simply frequencies with more complexities, while low vibration have less complexities. A Japanese doctor named Masaru Emoto who did experiments on water saw that words and thoughts can create higher or lower vibrations. The diagram (above) shows a super close up shot of water with the prescribed set of words with them. As you can see when it comes to positive words, much more complex and pleasant images are formed in comparison to the negative words. This further proves that vibrations even exist even within our bodies—and how we think effects our vibration and thus shifts our frequency. And, since our bodies are about fifty to sixty percent water, that can be a lot of toxicity or healthy thoughts floating around already.

If we are thinking a massive amount of negative thoughts, this then creates a negative vibration throughout the body. Doing that long enough would bring something — physically — into our reality which was a vibrational match to those thoughts and feelings. For example: If you told yourself that you’re worthless and no one will recognise you for the talents you have. Those thoughts would create a lower vibration in your body and thus propel you into a reality where you’re a vibrational match to people, places and circumstances that do not even see your talents, but just walk on by. The same goes for positive thoughts.

Now, if you thought the vibrational frequencies only worked on a conscious level, then, you’re not seeing the bigger picture. These vibrations also work on a subconscious level, meaning, even though you thought up something minutes or days ago, those same people, places, and circumstances can arise and without any conscious awareness. Ever said to yourself “I can’t believe this is happening?” or “Why me!” or “Why is this happening to me now?” Yes, that is because of your subconscious— and many times conscious — thoughts that you tell yourself and are being brought, periodically, into your reality. There is a force out there that is consistently working to provide you with what you want, and just by telling yourself you don’t want something, is a want.

Recently, I decided to test this theory on Facebook. Since I would say I have a large variety of people on my friends list, I knew I could get all kinds material shot at me — and at a quick pace. It took a lot of thinking but I did see that many of the things that were showing up on my newsfeed were thoughts I had had, either earlier in the day, a few days ago, or had worried about briefly. I didn’t stop there, I’ve also taken a much more conscious look at my reality when interacting with people in the real world and it’s the same thing, even if I am not talking to those people directly, still places and circumstances were provided based on what I was thinking. And yes, it does take a lot of practice and awareness to see these things because we become distracted very easily. It’s a beautiful day, interesting people walk by, someone does something funny, you’re too busy thinking about the next thing, then all of a sudden something happens, which was a result of a thought, thought long ago.

So, how does one place themselves in a higher vibration in order to bring wonderful and positive people, places and circumstances? It’s very simple; think positively as much as you can. Don’t get me wrong — I said it was simple, not easy. However, that’s all you have to do. How you get there is up to you. You have to know what it is you want out of life, and then trust in those positive thoughts. It’s easy to fall into negativity because we look to the outside world first instead of the inside. But, give it a try, think of something small and build up from there.

Do you know what a vibrational match means and have you noticed them in your life?

A Night’s Dream

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Photo taken at NewForest, UK

Brushing my teeth with my wife, we giggle as we try to understand each other as we speak at the same time. The faucet running in the background, waiting for the water to warm up. We go to the bedroom, I lay my head down on my comfy pillow, noticing the muscles in my back release instantly. My wife turns off the little crystal lamp we got as a wedding gift; I can almost feel like the energy of the crystal emanating in the room when the light is on. Immediate darkness captures the room, a short snuggle before drifting off into another world.

All sorts of colours emerge, almost like looking at a moving painting. The sky, filled with so much blue that it feels like there isn’t any ground under me—I’m laying flat on my bed, I turn to my left to see my wife’s back. I look outward and fields of grass are swaying in the breeze. I turn over to my right and a computer is there with Facebook open. My friend Blake’s face showing up near the chat bar, a warm feeling fills my heart. I’m typing to him but I can hear his voice too, a phone in my hand appears. Blake tells me that everything is going fine at the new workshop he’s put together for our friend Teal. I feel deeply proud of him for doing such a great job, his voice fills my heart as he tells me he needs to go. I lean back and look up into the sky, six very big bumble bees glide over me. Taking notice of the branches of a tree, I look intently at the details in the yellow leaves, wondrous and lush. Behind the trees the number nine-forms in the sky, as if planes were drawing it; my phone rings. When I answer, it’s a soft familiar voice, “Hey Kevin, its Teal, I’m calling you back now, I’m sorry I didn’t call back sooner.” Feeling the connection with her, as if we have known each for years and years and years and years. Hearing the noise of the audience in the background I say to her, “Oh there you are, you’re about to go on, huh?” She tells me she wanted to hear how I was and I explained to her some of the new insights I had come across. I finally ask her, “How can I get back to knowing what people truly feel?” She replied without hesitation, “Fear.” I asked her to repeat because it makes no sense, she says,“Fear.” Taking a pause to reflect on what she has said, I look over to my left and the biggest tsunami takes shape not to far from me—I can’t believe the wonder of it all. Suddenly, and equally as huge, killer whales swim into sight; I yell into the phone, “Oh my god Teal! The most amazing thing is happening!” I continued to watch, three, four, five killer whales swimming in the tsunami wave—and in a blink of an eye, they reduce in size to fit into a fish tank. Things calm down and I apologise to Teal about yelling into the phone. She tells me she needs to go since it is time to start the workshop. I tell her it will be my turn to call her back next time and she sounds delighted to hear it. I wake up, the sun beating on the blinds in the bedroom, back in the real world.

The dream left me so happy, laying next to my wife, I reflected back on the events in the dream. I questioned Teal’s answer to my question along with the other symbols in my dream. I get up and look for my dream book, decoding is afoot.

Theories: Triad Relationships

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Photo from theatlantic.com

Throughout mainstream media, society, and in our personal life, we all know that in relationships there is “supposed” to be one man and one woman or— what’s becoming more and more acceptable these days— same sex couples. However, there are relationships out there that have more than two people in them, and I’m not talking about open relationships, or the infamous threesomes. I’m talking about an actual relationship that has three people engaged in an equal exchange of physical and emotional connections. At the same time, what I’ll be writing about is my personal theory in the how a triad relationship can work and the general requirements for it to be successful. A lot of this is coming from my own perspective, I’ve spent a lot of time meditating in the past three years and connecting with my own heart, clearing out the social conditioning and pressures to see the vast potential in a union such as a triad. I want to be clear as well that this subject matter is not full on polyamory, much rather, a joining of hearts in a way that would only magnify what already is in the traditional one-man one-woman scenario. Furthermore, I’ll be discussing this based on a triad that consists of two women and one man. As I believe, with a combination of two-women one-man triad relationship, there is a higher potential for it working more successfully. I am not saying this is the case in all situations, but, as I’ve seen from many observations I’ve made throughout my life, women connect on a deeper level with other women rather than men to men. Granted if a man in a triad is open to the idea of another man, the situation is left open for interpretation, as is for all the other combinations.

In any “normal” relationship there is the exchange of love, support, compassion, carrying out house chores and taking vacations together. With a triad, it’s the same exact thing but with a third party. I know what you’re thinking, why a third person? However, a better questions is, why “not” a third person? Having a third person creates a greater dynamic in various situations a one-to-one relationship wouldn’t have. Often times in a one-to-one relationship, disagreements arises where you have both people reacting to each other as if it were a fifteen minute ping pong match. Majority of the time, in the heat of the moment, two angry people are screaming at each other until someone backs down and really starts listening; or worse, gives up. In other times that same heated situation can last for days or months and eventually there is a separation. On the other hand, having a third person increases the chance of there being a mediator, thus, arguments are had and there’s a higher chance of peace being made because that third person can hear what the first two are in conflict about.

One of the major qualities of having a triad relationship is the exchange of love. I’m not talking sex, I’m talking about raw love energy. Imagine feeling disappointed about not getting a job promotion you’ve work really hard to get, or feeling insecure because your art work didn’t get the amount of positive feedback you had hoped for. Receiving the love and support from two people you love equally has a huge amount of potential for making you feel comforted, accepted and encouraged in an instant—for a longer period of time. Imagine how a child would feel with this amount of love and compassion coming from two mothers—the idea of this alone presents a plausible reason for having a triad relationship. Also, that’s not to mention the practicality of it all; less rent to pay, twice the cuddles, twice the hugs, someone being there for the children, always having someone to talk to, and to top it all off; the potential for amazing sex.

The biggest reason that a triad wouldn’t work, would be primarily due to a lack of communication, secondly, close-mindedness. Just like in a one-to-one relationship, communicating is key—not just talking about any old thing, but talking about true feelings. If the members entering a triad don’t have a good handle on communicating their feelings, any one can be pushed out or be left feeling like the third wheel. A consistent flow of stating what each member wants and needs, and what their goals and

 Photo from theprodentist.com

Photo from theprodentist.com

plans are is essential for it to be a successful relationship. Lets face it, there will be times where each member will have moments of insecurity, embarrassment and shame, just like in a one-to-one. It takes a very open-minded person to even explore a triad, so if your mind is already closed to it, then it’s not the best thing to get into. Thinking only on the sexual parts and not the emotional parts will bite you on the butt harder than an angry Rottweiler. Just be prepared to face shadows that will arise within a triad relationship — they will hit you quickly.

What brought me to this conclusion that a triad is beneficial was due to many self-realisations and basic logic. As I’ve mentioned, I meditate often. When you meditate often enough, you start peeling away the social and parental domestications that are put in place during childhood. Watching T.V. movies, real life people and over hearing conversations; we all are under the influence and pressure of what other people think and say. Meditation connects you with your core self, dissolving the introjections that were infused into the mind by society and the people closest to us. The ideas, of what “should” be, that you once thought were you own, were actually someone else’s— probably someone from eons ago. This is what I’ve discovered in myself: connections, relationships and love are not limited to a one-to-one relationship and can be so much more enriching with a third. The extra additive of perspective, love and joy is as great as having a warm fudge brownie with strawberry ice cream and caramel syrup. At the same time a triad works with all members on the same level of thinking and is exclusive to each other. I don’t consider it being a playground for sexual pleasures, its to really connect on a spiritual, mental and emotional level.

You’re probably thinking, what is so wrong with a one-to-one relationship? Absolutely nothing! If that’s your preference, then it’s your choice; however, is that preference based on your own idea or the ideas of another long past? In retrospect, it doesn’t really matter at all, yet, a triad relationship has an ample amount of potential for enhancing the way we view ourselves and the world when it comes to love and making emotional connections. Triad relationships could be the next evolutionary step in bringing a more harmonious way of living for all of man-kind.

England Thus Far

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Photo taken at Mottisfont, UK

In a few weeks it’ll be six months since I’ve moved from NYC to Southampton, UK, holy crap has the time been zipping by. It should be a crime for time to be going to fast—write time a ticket!

Being a lovely place to live in, Southampton is a great place to ground yourself off of the super fast paced city life. It’s wonderful to be able to look outside my window and see a field of grass and trees. The house I lived in the Bronx, looking out I would see the white, dingy exterior of the house next to me. If I had a long enough stick I would knock on the window and ask for some Grey Poupon; NYC is place I will not miss.

Although a lot of the English people appear shy in the beginning of meeting them, nothing a few drinks wouldn’t fix— I don’t find that appealing on a regular basis. Meeting many of my wife’s friends, I can see plenty of good support she has. However, still not being able to create my own friendship network, its taking its toll on me. I’m really starting to appreciate having friends of my own, trying all the time to keep in touch with friends in NYC; it’s just not the same if I can’t see any of them in person. As my life progresses I’m starting to see that the normal social patterns of the past are changing a lot, or maybe it’s just me. You know, getting a job, making friends, so on and so forth. It appears that just the job element alone condenses the opportunity to create friendships down to nothing. Of course, reaching out to friends of my wife are there, but they haven’t been as successful and well established as it would if I made them myself; maybe another six months?

Living with my wife is an adventure in itself. Learning how to live with a person you have sex, argue, laugh and cry with, is the most challenging things I’ve ever done in my life. Now I’ve seen war, women running the streets topless, children telling me they love me, and having a person shoot a gun right next me in the club scene— peace of cake. Living with a woman you love, yeah, that’s like taking a shuttle to Mars and making a civilization.

Overall England is great and I’m enjoying it as best as I can. Of course it isn’t perfect but what else in the world is—well, other than morning sex? Through life here in England, and on earth, good and bad things exist and taking those two together equally and appreciating them will enlighten the experience much more that focusing on one or the other. Staying neutral is the key.