Winds of Outer Space

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space background from http://wonderfulengineering.com

 Photo take in my living room.

In the middle of the night, I woke up slightly from the strong wind outside my window, howling like a night wolf. Halfway between sleep and awake, I took part in a journey that might have been a dream or may have been real.

The wind had a vast sound to it that made it seem like I wasn’t on earth anymore. I got up from my bed and looked out the blinds and I saw endless amounts of stars. My eyes widened as if I had just been punched in the stomach, the unbelievable beauty of a nebula creeped into view — its pink fluffiness stretching out like an arm as it floated on past me. As I continued to watch, the wind blowed itself harder; the walls of the room crumbled away like bits of a broken chocolate chip cookie. Only the ground of the bedroom, with a huge chuck of earth rock was under me, the wind’s untamed air incasing my body, it felt warm and made me feel secure — no sense of danger in my heart. I watched the nebula go out of sight as galaxies formed around me, feeling the massive distance between us, I did not feel alone, but I questioned why I wasn’t afraid. Whisking past me in an instant were a family of big green and blue aura rocks; they seemed in a hurry, wherever they were going. The wind now felt like it was guiding me somewhere.

For a while, magnificent stretches of jagged light passed over me; many different colours, it felt like the lights were waving to me — happy to see me blowing across space. I caught eye of the sun as it came closer and closer, then I knew where I was going; I thought, “Will I die in the sun?” The ground that was under my feet crumbled away, floating in space, the wind’s presence still with me. As I got to the sun’s lavaic surface, my body plunged in, and, at the same moment, turned into crystal form; I looked at my hands to see clear quartz fingertips. The wind carried me to the depths of the lava ocean, I could feel the multi-layered-infused, dense energy of the sun. The liquid energy, orange and yellow in colour, dissolved into my clear quartz skin. I could see it floating within me, the tension that was in my body left immediately, I was now a part of the sun.

Waking up in my bed, hearing the wind again outside the window, my body felt hot. I pulled open the covers and checked if my wife was still next to me. Yet again, an amazing experience — not sure if it was just a dream or if it was real.

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England Thus Far

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Photo taken at Mottisfont, UK

In a few weeks it’ll be six months since I’ve moved from NYC to Southampton, UK, holy crap has the time been zipping by. It should be a crime for time to be going to fast—write time a ticket!

Being a lovely place to live in, Southampton is a great place to ground yourself off of the super fast paced city life. It’s wonderful to be able to look outside my window and see a field of grass and trees. The house I lived in the Bronx, looking out I would see the white, dingy exterior of the house next to me. If I had a long enough stick I would knock on the window and ask for some Grey Poupon; NYC is place I will not miss.

Although a lot of the English people appear shy in the beginning of meeting them, nothing a few drinks wouldn’t fix— I don’t find that appealing on a regular basis. Meeting many of my wife’s friends, I can see plenty of good support she has. However, still not being able to create my own friendship network, its taking its toll on me. I’m really starting to appreciate having friends of my own, trying all the time to keep in touch with friends in NYC; it’s just not the same if I can’t see any of them in person. As my life progresses I’m starting to see that the normal social patterns of the past are changing a lot, or maybe it’s just me. You know, getting a job, making friends, so on and so forth. It appears that just the job element alone condenses the opportunity to create friendships down to nothing. Of course, reaching out to friends of my wife are there, but they haven’t been as successful and well established as it would if I made them myself; maybe another six months?

Living with my wife is an adventure in itself. Learning how to live with a person you have sex, argue, laugh and cry with, is the most challenging things I’ve ever done in my life. Now I’ve seen war, women running the streets topless, children telling me they love me, and having a person shoot a gun right next me in the club scene— peace of cake. Living with a woman you love, yeah, that’s like taking a shuttle to Mars and making a civilization.

Overall England is great and I’m enjoying it as best as I can. Of course it isn’t perfect but what else in the world is—well, other than morning sex? Through life here in England, and on earth, good and bad things exist and taking those two together equally and appreciating them will enlighten the experience much more that focusing on one or the other. Staying neutral is the key.

How Quickly Life Can Change

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Photo taken near the country side of Mottisfont, UK

Of all the many little things I’ve noticed in England, driving has stood out the most to me recently. Not that fact that they drive on the left, but how drivers don’t heed to the people walking. This of course increases your awareness when crossing the street, however, it made me reflect on how your life could end in an instant.

Taking a shower one day, I came to a strong realisation— a lot are buzzing around these past few days and weeks— that we are living so tightly to our rules, standards and how we want things to go specifically, all for it to just disappear when we die. Some of you may think this will turn out to be some cheesy blog about living your life to the fullest and such, but the hell with that. Take a good look at life, go outside and just look. Watch carefully how some people walk right out into oncoming traffic, how some walk directly to the crosswalk and wait until that blaring beep noise goes off in order to make it across the street safely — its like that in England. I know, I know, it’s for the blind, but I think it’s more for the seeing. I have to question: What the hell are we doing in life? More importantly, what in the hell am I doing in life?

Asking myself these questions throughout my life, I’m trying so hard to do the things I love to do in my life. Doing my mediations, staying focused, keeping myself light, calm and clear in order to reach the goals I set for myself. However, many reasons are floating around in the cosmos as to why I haven’t been able to do what I love with full force. I honestly just don’t want my life to end without doing everything I can to make it the best. Also the chronic urge to help people within my reach and send out love to all — the low key humanitarian in me. Well, even that isn’t going as well since many backs have turned.

Writing this, I’m thinking how this is turning more into a journal entry than a blog. I know for a fact that many who may come across this writing may have been asking themselves the same questions. Of course they’re answers, but no one can give them to you other than you. As for me, I understand the old ways of thinking are falling away, transitioning into new ones. Facing my fears and breaking new ground is really showing me the possibilities of reaching what I want in life. They’re becoming more and more apparent, kind of like when a shark shows it’s dorsal fin on the surface of the water— you know it’s a shark! As the situations, people and opportunities in life, they’re there, right below the transparent surface. How interesting it is to have to go through so many experiences and meet so many people in order to do the very thing you’ve desired from childhood. I consistently think: what a waste of time. Then, realise when you do get to the destination, it was a great ride to get there and all you want to do is go on the ride again.

A Letter to my Teenage Self

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Photo, courtesy of a junior high school friend.

Dear Kevin,

    This letter may seem very weird, but I am writing you from seventeen years in the future.  Noooooo, this isn’t a random person, I’m actually you.  I chose to write you, at your current age of fifteen, because it’s the time where you’re starting to wake up from your depression.  You may not understand fully what I’m saying, but you’re becoming more aware of yourself and doing slightly better in school — after witnessing your mother cry over your ongoing low grades.  This is also the time where you’re writing more poetry and in love with a girl who wants nothing to do with you.  
    I’m writing you because there are a few things I’d like you to do for me.  The first, is to never stop loving people the way you do.  I know it’s very difficult as you are trying the best you can to get the attention of the girls your age, it seems all the stuff you’ve learned from watching romantic movies isn’t working.  However, I’d like you to keep doing what you’re doing with full confidence.  It’s important because your heart is magnificent and brilliant — it may not seem that way to others but trust me, later on you’ll see that it really is.  Second, I want you to really pay attention to the people who you’re reaching out to.  Many of them will push you away, others will use you for your kindness, again, keep doing what you do with full confidence.  Help those people, be there for them with an open heart.  They won’t say it, but they do honestly appreciate what you’re doing for them and with this pay close attention to how YOU feel about them.  You’ve already doubted yourself about certain things and people, and it cost you.  That day you got punched in the face and chipped your tooth is a result of not listening to your instinct to walk faster with your friend.  I’m not saying that to make your feel bad, just to jog your memory of a time not so long ago.  Third, I need you to not beat yourself up about being shy.  This trait will prove useful in the future, but for now, accept it as a part of who you are and when you hear the small voice inside urge you towards certain people who you can talk to; go for it!  Fourth, is that small voice.  I know you can hear it and a lot of the time you want to rebel against it.  That’s fine, rebel all you want, however, lets play a game.  For all the times you listen to that voice, note how often you feel good after following it, and, note how bad you feel from not listening to it.
    Lastly, I want to leave you with some words that may seem weird to you: I love you!  The element you’ll probably block out from messages  around you is self love.  Remember that I love you, seventeen years into the future.  I also know what you’re thinking: I’m not telling you anything to avoid or change, but believe me, from writing this to you it’s the result of going though the things you are about to go through and for that; we wouldn’t want to change it.  Keep your head held high and stay confident, things can’t get any worse than they already are.  Trust me.



P.S.  
    As a matter of fact, from May until the end of June 2003, DO NOT eat Chinese food.  Yeah, I changed my mind.



                                            With Love,
                                            Future Kev  

The Lonesome Rebirth (Originally made 04-Dec-2014)

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Photo taken in Winchester, England

It’s been nearly five weeks since I began living in England, and my lifestyle has definitely taken a huge turn. Adjusting to how local people talk, their mannerisms and even walking on the left — coming to England is like being reborn.

I’ve had to depend on my wife the entire time, leaving me kicking and screaming, powerless in moments when I would normally do things on my own. Day in and day out I’m seeing a person who is my lover, friend and boxing buddy. The playground of married life is indeed a big one, where opportunities to be alone are very slim, but, in those moments, wanting to be together the very next second. It’s an adventure shared by two people who are in love.

After spending a session in the shower the other day, I came to a very interesting conclusion regarding this aspect of my life. I saw it as me being a child again. You know, where you had to rely on your parents to get everything for you, give you money and ask their permission to do and organize things. In my situation, where I am living with my lover and starting a whole new lifestyle, it’s like my past life as Kevin Lewis, all of those emotions and experiences, needed to be integrated before coming into this new life. In many ways I can look back with approval of my past, because it has brought me to this point of expansion; there’s a sense of enrichment that filled my body.

Being in NYC, I spent a lot of time alone with myself, to think, feel, experience and witness a multitude of things. Now, this new journey has, in a sense, switched my north and south poles, so that now I spend time with my wife in those multitudes of situations which I had previously experienced on my own. That in itself is very exciting and I’m glad to keep moving forward.