Theories: Triad Relationships

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Photo from theatlantic.com

Throughout mainstream media, society, and in our personal life, we all know that in relationships there is “supposed” to be one man and one woman or— what’s becoming more and more acceptable these days— same sex couples. However, there are relationships out there that have more than two people in them, and I’m not talking about open relationships, or the infamous threesomes. I’m talking about an actual relationship that has three people engaged in an equal exchange of physical and emotional connections. At the same time, what I’ll be writing about is my personal theory in the how a triad relationship can work and the general requirements for it to be successful. A lot of this is coming from my own perspective, I’ve spent a lot of time meditating in the past three years and connecting with my own heart, clearing out the social conditioning and pressures to see the vast potential in a union such as a triad. I want to be clear as well that this subject matter is not full on polyamory, much rather, a joining of hearts in a way that would only magnify what already is in the traditional one-man one-woman scenario. Furthermore, I’ll be discussing this based on a triad that consists of two women and one man. As I believe, with a combination of two-women one-man triad relationship, there is a higher potential for it working more successfully. I am not saying this is the case in all situations, but, as I’ve seen from many observations I’ve made throughout my life, women connect on a deeper level with other women rather than men to men. Granted if a man in a triad is open to the idea of another man, the situation is left open for interpretation, as is for all the other combinations.

In any “normal” relationship there is the exchange of love, support, compassion, carrying out house chores and taking vacations together. With a triad, it’s the same exact thing but with a third party. I know what you’re thinking, why a third person? However, a better questions is, why “not” a third person? Having a third person creates a greater dynamic in various situations a one-to-one relationship wouldn’t have. Often times in a one-to-one relationship, disagreements arises where you have both people reacting to each other as if it were a fifteen minute ping pong match. Majority of the time, in the heat of the moment, two angry people are screaming at each other until someone backs down and really starts listening; or worse, gives up. In other times that same heated situation can last for days or months and eventually there is a separation. On the other hand, having a third person increases the chance of there being a mediator, thus, arguments are had and there’s a higher chance of peace being made because that third person can hear what the first two are in conflict about.

One of the major qualities of having a triad relationship is the exchange of love. I’m not talking sex, I’m talking about raw love energy. Imagine feeling disappointed about not getting a job promotion you’ve work really hard to get, or feeling insecure because your art work didn’t get the amount of positive feedback you had hoped for. Receiving the love and support from two people you love equally has a huge amount of potential for making you feel comforted, accepted and encouraged in an instant—for a longer period of time. Imagine how a child would feel with this amount of love and compassion coming from two mothers—the idea of this alone presents a plausible reason for having a triad relationship. Also, that’s not to mention the practicality of it all; less rent to pay, twice the cuddles, twice the hugs, someone being there for the children, always having someone to talk to, and to top it all off; the potential for amazing sex.

The biggest reason that a triad wouldn’t work, would be primarily due to a lack of communication, secondly, close-mindedness. Just like in a one-to-one relationship, communicating is key—not just talking about any old thing, but talking about true feelings. If the members entering a triad don’t have a good handle on communicating their feelings, any one can be pushed out or be left feeling like the third wheel. A consistent flow of stating what each member wants and needs, and what their goals and

 Photo from theprodentist.com

Photo from theprodentist.com

plans are is essential for it to be a successful relationship. Lets face it, there will be times where each member will have moments of insecurity, embarrassment and shame, just like in a one-to-one. It takes a very open-minded person to even explore a triad, so if your mind is already closed to it, then it’s not the best thing to get into. Thinking only on the sexual parts and not the emotional parts will bite you on the butt harder than an angry Rottweiler. Just be prepared to face shadows that will arise within a triad relationship — they will hit you quickly.

What brought me to this conclusion that a triad is beneficial was due to many self-realisations and basic logic. As I’ve mentioned, I meditate often. When you meditate often enough, you start peeling away the social and parental domestications that are put in place during childhood. Watching T.V. movies, real life people and over hearing conversations; we all are under the influence and pressure of what other people think and say. Meditation connects you with your core self, dissolving the introjections that were infused into the mind by society and the people closest to us. The ideas, of what “should” be, that you once thought were you own, were actually someone else’s— probably someone from eons ago. This is what I’ve discovered in myself: connections, relationships and love are not limited to a one-to-one relationship and can be so much more enriching with a third. The extra additive of perspective, love and joy is as great as having a warm fudge brownie with strawberry ice cream and caramel syrup. At the same time a triad works with all members on the same level of thinking and is exclusive to each other. I don’t consider it being a playground for sexual pleasures, its to really connect on a spiritual, mental and emotional level.

You’re probably thinking, what is so wrong with a one-to-one relationship? Absolutely nothing! If that’s your preference, then it’s your choice; however, is that preference based on your own idea or the ideas of another long past? In retrospect, it doesn’t really matter at all, yet, a triad relationship has an ample amount of potential for enhancing the way we view ourselves and the world when it comes to love and making emotional connections. Triad relationships could be the next evolutionary step in bringing a more harmonious way of living for all of man-kind.

How Quickly Life Can Change

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Photo taken near the country side of Mottisfont, UK

Of all the many little things I’ve noticed in England, driving has stood out the most to me recently. Not that fact that they drive on the left, but how drivers don’t heed to the people walking. This of course increases your awareness when crossing the street, however, it made me reflect on how your life could end in an instant.

Taking a shower one day, I came to a strong realisation— a lot are buzzing around these past few days and weeks— that we are living so tightly to our rules, standards and how we want things to go specifically, all for it to just disappear when we die. Some of you may think this will turn out to be some cheesy blog about living your life to the fullest and such, but the hell with that. Take a good look at life, go outside and just look. Watch carefully how some people walk right out into oncoming traffic, how some walk directly to the crosswalk and wait until that blaring beep noise goes off in order to make it across the street safely — its like that in England. I know, I know, it’s for the blind, but I think it’s more for the seeing. I have to question: What the hell are we doing in life? More importantly, what in the hell am I doing in life?

Asking myself these questions throughout my life, I’m trying so hard to do the things I love to do in my life. Doing my mediations, staying focused, keeping myself light, calm and clear in order to reach the goals I set for myself. However, many reasons are floating around in the cosmos as to why I haven’t been able to do what I love with full force. I honestly just don’t want my life to end without doing everything I can to make it the best. Also the chronic urge to help people within my reach and send out love to all — the low key humanitarian in me. Well, even that isn’t going as well since many backs have turned.

Writing this, I’m thinking how this is turning more into a journal entry than a blog. I know for a fact that many who may come across this writing may have been asking themselves the same questions. Of course they’re answers, but no one can give them to you other than you. As for me, I understand the old ways of thinking are falling away, transitioning into new ones. Facing my fears and breaking new ground is really showing me the possibilities of reaching what I want in life. They’re becoming more and more apparent, kind of like when a shark shows it’s dorsal fin on the surface of the water— you know it’s a shark! As the situations, people and opportunities in life, they’re there, right below the transparent surface. How interesting it is to have to go through so many experiences and meet so many people in order to do the very thing you’ve desired from childhood. I consistently think: what a waste of time. Then, realise when you do get to the destination, it was a great ride to get there and all you want to do is go on the ride again.